Jan. 9th, 2008

blustocking: (Default)
If we're taught, or had the lesson forced upon us, that words are easily false, things too easily manufactured and deceptive, then we base our realities on action. And what if action is the liar? What then?

And if you start out the first day of the year in confusion, is that what's in store for 364 days more?

He thinks I wanted more out of him than I did. He apologizes. I think he thought I had us picking out curtains. But he's the one who confused the issue.
The contact, the messages, leading up, the call, the hand constantly on the back, the care, the kissing, the giving...not taking, the touching, the words, the morning (not drinking), the spooning, more touching and cuddling, the days in-between were used for back-peddling.

The boy got cold feet from his own creation, and all I got was confusion and frustration, not even a lousy t-shirt. It was like a split personality, only he's not malicious enough for it to be intended. I, sadly enough, wish I'd never met him, if only for the fact that now I really do miss being treated and touched like that. FWB doesn't get the job done. Not a giver.
Why can't you penis-holders be more up-front. And if you don't know what you want, say just that. Most importantly, don't act the opposite. Don't be tender and blame it on the booze. Act like an animal, then blame it on the booze. That's how it works. Anything else is just a cover-up.

That said, I wish him well.
He may have a hard road ahead.

I'm not as melancholy as this sounds. Just analyzing, feeling poesy.
I actually had a very good day. Got some work done in the studio, had dinner with a friend, saw Juno with her and another friend, got a call for a wedding photography job. Hopefully this is a predictor of the coming year, not confused boys.

May 2010

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