sooo....

Dec. 19th, 2008 10:38 pm
blustocking: (Default)
[personal profile] blustocking
The best way to get over someone is to really get to know them, to get to know them and lose respect for them. I damn near fell for someone who will be married (for the 3rd time) in March. And the plan was to tell him at Christmas. Just to tell him, to get it out of my system.

But, last night a few of us co-workers (of which he is one) went out for drinks. I divulged my crush to a fellow female employee (and this is why I sometimes don't like women). She understood, a little too well it seems. She said if she weren't married she'd like to fuck him too. I said, "yes, well, it's a little more than that." But every chance she got after that she would show me text messages from him, tell me they grope each other on the dance floor when everyone goes out. Well, we were actually headed out dancing, and yes, he showed up, with fiance (mousey, boring, not a good match, but now I think maybe she's too good for HIM). He proceeded to flirt with my co-worker even going so far as to tell her he "wished he could play tonight." Which, of course, being a catty female, she told me, knowing full well my feelings for him. Low self-esteem makes people act like assholes.

I wouldn't have liked this man quite as much had he not seemed to very much like me (and seemed to be a really good person, of which he primarily is). And maybe he does, if only a little, because the flirting he did with me was a bit...different. And he's not a total jackass. He does have many good qualities. But it's a shame his baggage gets stuck in the chute. Still, it is clear that he is a monstrous flirt, and that I cannot abide. When I am with someone, I am WITH someone. I don't do that casual, mindless bullshit and I damn well expect the same in return. So this fantasy future is just that. And this has me feeling that he is not as good as me or better than me, like I previously thought, but that I just might be too good for him. His disrespectful behavior combined with his mentioning to me that "Jason had some pharmaceuticals" (what the fuck?) last night has accelerated my getting over it greatly...

That is, after crying in front of my co-worker and ALL the way home from Uptown.

So, last night, at 2a.m. I sent him an email and told him everything. I really don't give a shit if he feels awkward or if things are weird because I hold the deck now. Plus, I have a date tomorrow, and this one, this one IS interested in me, sincere, cute, political and smart. So, fuck it.

Many things were broken last night, not the least of them being my new teapot when I dropped it as I was taking it out of my car. :( I just may be more sad about that than Man Who Clearly Has Issues. If that's not entirely true, it is because I mourn the feelings and not the person, perhaps.

Onward...
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