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Jul. 18th, 2004 02:21 pmYou bitches best eat this shit up, because I'm standing in the basement of the Lawrence Public Library at an internet terminal, after I went in for overtime at work.
Yeah, s'right.
I've been accepted back into the School fo Fine fArts. I still have no idea how I'm going to do this. There's this weird guy sitting at a table off to my left and he keeps waving, not sure if it's at me...oh, wait, it's at EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. I have NO tolerance for the crazy, old, young, really anybody, today.
I've been mildly productive.
Ian and I are talking. He misses me (I miss him too). But I'm standing my ground on the "no, we shouldn't be in a relationship right now" front. I even "held back" when advances were made...something that was very, very hard to do. Something which left me kicking myself the next morning, though I know it was "the right thing to do".
I said goodbye to my grandmother yesterday.
It was much harder than I was prepared for...than any of us (my sister and my niece went with me) were prepared for. She's almost gone, hasn't been able to speak for years, is just a wilted body with wide eyes. She seemed to recognize us and this made my Grandpa cry, though he tried to hide it all with smiles. I adore my grandpa. Seriously adore him. I saw he needed someone, so I went over to the other side of the bed and put my arm around him. He put his arm around me and rubbed my back. We stood there for awhile and it was a nice feeling. It felt like I was helping. Sometimes it's hard for me to express emotion in difficult situations like this. I steel myself up too much.
A library drone just asked me to "only use these terminals for 10 minutes" so anything I had to say is now gone and I'm annoyed. I didn't even get to look up what I came here to look up.
Fuck it.
Over and out.
Yeah, s'right.
I've been accepted back into the School fo Fine fArts. I still have no idea how I'm going to do this. There's this weird guy sitting at a table off to my left and he keeps waving, not sure if it's at me...oh, wait, it's at EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. I have NO tolerance for the crazy, old, young, really anybody, today.
I've been mildly productive.
Ian and I are talking. He misses me (I miss him too). But I'm standing my ground on the "no, we shouldn't be in a relationship right now" front. I even "held back" when advances were made...something that was very, very hard to do. Something which left me kicking myself the next morning, though I know it was "the right thing to do".
I said goodbye to my grandmother yesterday.
It was much harder than I was prepared for...than any of us (my sister and my niece went with me) were prepared for. She's almost gone, hasn't been able to speak for years, is just a wilted body with wide eyes. She seemed to recognize us and this made my Grandpa cry, though he tried to hide it all with smiles. I adore my grandpa. Seriously adore him. I saw he needed someone, so I went over to the other side of the bed and put my arm around him. He put his arm around me and rubbed my back. We stood there for awhile and it was a nice feeling. It felt like I was helping. Sometimes it's hard for me to express emotion in difficult situations like this. I steel myself up too much.
A library drone just asked me to "only use these terminals for 10 minutes" so anything I had to say is now gone and I'm annoyed. I didn't even get to look up what I came here to look up.
Fuck it.
Over and out.
