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Do computers REALLY need to be THIS FUCKING COLD? Christ, I'm bringing a parka and some mittens next time.
This cold makes typing hard...not that mittens wouldn't but..shut up.
SO yes, this weekend...I put all my "issues", my anger, my pride, all the bullshit aside and drown 3 1/2 hours to surprise Ian. It was probably the best thing I could have done. I now understand him a little more and he now KNOWS how much I care. His dad's a bitter asshole, but what can you do. I think we'll be okay, of course, time will only tell. I now know why he reacted so strongly to my "not wanting him around for awhile". I'm just glad I did that, only bad thing is, now I miss him. He was so amazed that I did that, and to tell you the truth, so was I. I was ready to let it all go. But I decided I had to see it though, felt like a grand effort was in order, so I made one. I try and deal with people how I would want to be dealt with, even if I don't get the same back (not that he doesn't, he tries harder than most). Anyway, it was sweet. I didn't let on I was coming down and I had stealthily asked what he was doing that night (Friday) to make sure he'd be home. I knew the street his dad lives on (now) so I figured I'd drive up and down looking for his car. No dice. I couldn't find the damn car and I was so nervous about him seeing me and ruining the surprise, not to mention not being happy I came down that I was shaking. So I called him and said I was getting ready to mail a package with some pictures (I just got a new photo printer) and what was his address. He was giving me the zip code as I pulled up, both of us on the phone. He was coming out of the house as I was coming up and I heard him say, "What the hell?!" (it was a good what-the-hell) He was so surprised, so happy. When I left the next evening, he said I shouldn't have come down because now he didn't want me to leave. He's pretty miserable down there, mainly due to his father, alleviated by his brother and the "no-distraction-small town" he's in. I could have told him that, tried to tell him that, but I think he had to find out on his own. So yes, he's going to be working for this coffee bar place at the Walnut Valley Festival next week and then he might come back up.
And maybe he was right, maybe my pride DOES get in the way sometimes. I'm just glad it didn't do me/us in. Relationships are such crazy, evolving beast. Who knows what's going to happen next, if we'll be together in 6 months, and I'm sick of thinking about it. Right now, I did the right thing, and I'm happy. I think I even "learned a lesson". Fade to black, credits roll.
Other than that, school, work (less and less as I come to the conclusion that I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this.) Tomorrow may be so bad that I just up and quit, we'll see. Friday I called in sick and looked for another job, before I went down to see Ian.
I'd spend more time here, but I seriously can't concentrate in this cold.
I love and miss quite a lot of you.
This cold makes typing hard...not that mittens wouldn't but..shut up.
SO yes, this weekend...I put all my "issues", my anger, my pride, all the bullshit aside and drown 3 1/2 hours to surprise Ian. It was probably the best thing I could have done. I now understand him a little more and he now KNOWS how much I care. His dad's a bitter asshole, but what can you do. I think we'll be okay, of course, time will only tell. I now know why he reacted so strongly to my "not wanting him around for awhile". I'm just glad I did that, only bad thing is, now I miss him. He was so amazed that I did that, and to tell you the truth, so was I. I was ready to let it all go. But I decided I had to see it though, felt like a grand effort was in order, so I made one. I try and deal with people how I would want to be dealt with, even if I don't get the same back (not that he doesn't, he tries harder than most). Anyway, it was sweet. I didn't let on I was coming down and I had stealthily asked what he was doing that night (Friday) to make sure he'd be home. I knew the street his dad lives on (now) so I figured I'd drive up and down looking for his car. No dice. I couldn't find the damn car and I was so nervous about him seeing me and ruining the surprise, not to mention not being happy I came down that I was shaking. So I called him and said I was getting ready to mail a package with some pictures (I just got a new photo printer) and what was his address. He was giving me the zip code as I pulled up, both of us on the phone. He was coming out of the house as I was coming up and I heard him say, "What the hell?!" (it was a good what-the-hell) He was so surprised, so happy. When I left the next evening, he said I shouldn't have come down because now he didn't want me to leave. He's pretty miserable down there, mainly due to his father, alleviated by his brother and the "no-distraction-small town" he's in. I could have told him that, tried to tell him that, but I think he had to find out on his own. So yes, he's going to be working for this coffee bar place at the Walnut Valley Festival next week and then he might come back up.
And maybe he was right, maybe my pride DOES get in the way sometimes. I'm just glad it didn't do me/us in. Relationships are such crazy, evolving beast. Who knows what's going to happen next, if we'll be together in 6 months, and I'm sick of thinking about it. Right now, I did the right thing, and I'm happy. I think I even "learned a lesson". Fade to black, credits roll.
Other than that, school, work (less and less as I come to the conclusion that I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this.) Tomorrow may be so bad that I just up and quit, we'll see. Friday I called in sick and looked for another job, before I went down to see Ian.
I'd spend more time here, but I seriously can't concentrate in this cold.
I love and miss quite a lot of you.
