For some reason, this post of yours makes me want to be more honest than I ever should be, in such a medium. But what the hell, this is coming so late that no one may ever see it. I'M SAFE!! :D
If the question was: Do you like needing people? the answer would be a simple and resounding HELL NO. Yes, I have friends, and I recognize that no one is an island except maybe serial killers, but...shit. I just hate that feeling of my brain wanting to do one thing, and all the invisible puppet strings of me wanting something else, because my brain is usually not what wins these contests.
As to being needed....wow. I don't really know. (that's why I must post! must figure this out!) There's a certain guilt about someone else needing me, because I am a selfish bitch and want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it; so that person may need me, but there are going to be many times when I will want to be somewhere else. Romantically, with friends, family, everyone. I don't want someone to NEED me like that, because I already know I will often choose to ditch that need, and not be there. I do it all the time, willingly, knowingly.
But then my life is pretty much a see-saw between the deep, inner, genetically hard-wired Need for human connection and companionship....and not Wanting any; not wanting to have to give of myself to perform the necessary maintenance of such connections. Need and Want being seperate in this case.
There....Was that too much information or what? :)
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momijizukamori
well, lemme see.
Date: 2002-11-19 09:08 pm (UTC)If the question was: Do you like needing people? the answer would be a simple and resounding HELL NO. Yes, I have friends, and I recognize that no one is an island except maybe serial killers, but...shit. I just hate that feeling of my brain wanting to do one thing, and all the invisible puppet strings of me wanting something else, because my brain is usually not what wins these contests.
As to being needed....wow. I don't really know. (that's why I must post! must figure this out!) There's a certain guilt about someone else needing me, because I am a selfish bitch and want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it; so that person may need me, but there are going to be many times when I will want to be somewhere else. Romantically, with friends, family, everyone. I don't want someone to NEED me like that, because I already know I will often choose to ditch that need, and not be there. I do it all the time, willingly, knowingly.
But then my life is pretty much a see-saw between the deep, inner, genetically hard-wired Need for human connection and companionship....and not Wanting any; not wanting to have to give of myself to perform the necessary maintenance of such connections. Need and Want being seperate in this case.
There....Was that too much information or what? :)
(witness the reason I don't have a LiveJournal!!)
--rueyeet the overly confessional