when teh Jill is unhappy, the world suffers

[blustocking]

Not really, just those in the immediate vicinity. Okay, maybe just the people I live with. I'm hoping that by writing this out, I'll purge the nastiness from my headmeats. I've been an angsty, annnoy(ed/ing) piece of shit to my Mother this week. Aside from her inherent nagging and INABILITY TO RESPECT MY PRIVACY, she does mean well and she does seem lonely/wants to talk to me. But no, I'm unhappy and unable to step outside of myself. I know this is happening, yet I can't stop it. I'm afraid that if I open up, it won't stop coming. I'm reluctant because I don't like to whine. I do it, on occasion, but I don't like it. So I sleep. I sleep to escape. I did it when I lived with Ryan, I'm doing it now. There were times that I'd hear him coming home and rush into the bedroom to pretend I was asleep. But then again, I didn't really love him anymore and was trying to find a way out. He didn't make that easy. And then again, I don't bash my head on doorjambs just to make someone shut up. That, was a "special case." Fuck you, it worked. I'm beginning to think I'm not as stable as I like to think. But doesn't everyone think that. I'm not special in this regard, just annoyed and decidedly unhappy, angry even. I need my own space. I've always needed my own space. I can't innocently walk to the kitchen for water, mulling over some, of what I feel, are serious issues, to be bothered with idle chit-chat or inane questions. God, I'm a bastard. I feel for anyone that loves me enough to live with me.
I'm so sick of my inconsistency.

Comments

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

You have summed up my two years of living with my family in one eloquently written paragraph. Ooo, let us eat cake in our panties and beat each other over the head with fuzzy slippers. That could add a new twist on things. :)

YOU ARE SPECIAL!

[locopuff.livejournal.com]

Don't you fret, lil' missy! We'll be riding that short bus in the sky!

Eek, that just rememinded me horribly of that bad Christian song, "Spirit In the Sky." You can shoot me if you want.

Re: YOU ARE SPECIAL!

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Damn, before I read your second sentence, I was singing that in my head too. AAAAAAAAARGH!

I have stuffs for you. So much stuffs. I'ma see you soon, and that makes me the happies.

Re:

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

I just got some neat Cheshire Cat panties. They're spiff.