blustocking | ohhhhhhhhhh, what the hell...

First, enjoy Natalie Portman's Pant-Digging Adventure.

And now....
blah blah Google blah blah type "(your name here) is" blah blah...

Jill is an IUB sophomore who was working at the Student Recreational Sports Center and was supposed to start working at Camp Brosius on June 4. (good ol Camp Brosius)

Jill is a BIG horse. (AAAAAAAAAAAAhahhahahhahhaa....sigh....AHAHAHHAHAAAAAA!)

Jill is a very gentle horse who loves to be free. (OH SWEET LORD, stop it! AHAHAHHAA!)

Jill is sitting at a table alone, trying to work but frequently looking over at the door and scowling. (oh damn, that's pretty accurate.)

Jill is proud to be the national director for AMERICAN BEAUTIES PLUS. (it's true, I am a fatty.)

Jill is indeed an asset at a closing. (so true.)

jill is helping john get over that new headboard bill! (baoum chicka wuh?)

Jill is a premier modular software program designed to record, analyze and report all applications, Measurements, Cultural activities, Labor ... (YEAH BITCHES! I AM a premier modular software program! BOO-YA!)

JILL is still a thrilling, page-gripping read. (page-gripping?)

Jill is like his mother. Jill is afraid Jack is like her mother. (okay, now you're just talking out of your ass.)

Jill is 12 now, but she remembers a scary thing that happened when she was seven. "I was at my friend Amy's house. We were playing with her new puppy, Wizzer. (THE HORROR! THE HORROR! *sob*)

Jill is very confused right now because she really wants to end relations with Leslie. (That Leslie's such a bitch-hoor)

Jill is really desperate, and in need of courage and advice. (shutup.)

Jill is a published author of books for children and young adults, as well as numerous magazine works in publications such as Cricket, Highlights, and Pockets. (published author, yes! oh...wait...)

Jill is keenly able to find harmonies and has found her own voice in acoustic rock. (ARE YOU READY FOR SOME ACOUSTIC ROCK?!)

Jill is also an avid photographer, jeweler, and craftswoman. (Jill is also a big smelly dyke.)

Jill is highly experienced, with over 13 years of ... (awww ye-uh...fill in the blank baby.)

Jill is one of the best real singers out there. (I make puppies cry.)

Jill is afraid of Jack. (Shit, I ain't afraid of JACK!)

Jill is a special children's world. (that is SO not true.)

Jill is helemaal weg van fotografe Anne Geddes. (That is SO true.)

Jill is an attractive woman who lost both of her legs above-the-knee in an automobile accident in 1989. (oh my god....we have a winner.)

Jill is married to pediatrician Edward "Butch" Goldblatt and has two sons, Derek Shroyer, a pediatric intensive care nurse at Children's Mercy, Kansas City... (*slits wrists*)

Jill is active, smart, strong, fit, a good friend, and in the eyes of many, a role model. (why do all of these sound like I'm dead?)

Jill is now catering to Rodeo Queen Contestants! (YES! Thank you and GOOD NIGHT!)

Jill is visiting us!!!! (it's true...I am visiting you.)

Jill is having a bit of fun dancing with someone not her husband, quite in the face of said husband. (you speakum good Engrish.)

Jill is special to me becuase she is my one and only internet friend. ... Jill is cool because she's on all kinds of cd's and what not. ... (I am world famous for my what-not.)

Jill is entirely supported by, and rotates around, a large oak post (30 inches square at the base). (O_O....just O_O...oh...my....)

Jill is reading some ho the riot act for trying to sniff all up to her man. (If I had a quarter...)

Jill, is an underemployed bookstore employee in Los Angeles. Young, unambitious -- unlike everyone else she...(woah...that's just creepy right there.)

Jill is a Member of the Scottish Dance Teacher's Alliance and is active on the Judge's Committee of ScotDance Alberta. (Shhhhhhhh....don't tell.)

Jill is never too busy to meet your individual needs. (IfyouknowwhatI'msayin'...)

Jill is a soft butch dyke in a state of involuntary celibacy and an ex-cop who is now a private investigator in New South Wales. (Why do I get the feeling "Jill" is a common lesbian name?)

Jill is a kickboxer with a professional record of 6 wins and 2 losses. (I told you all I could kick your asses.)

Jill is in great shape, which is no surprise since she enjoys fitness oriented hobbies such as biking...(AND SEX....ahahahahaha! *sigh*)

Jill is in God's hands now and will always live on in our hearts, our minds and our souls. (Fin!)