blustocking | caffeine makes everything better

DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT.

I hate my woman parts today. Not because they are ugly or smelly, quite the contrary. But because they MAKE ME HURT. Bitches.

There is a cute boy in GROUP This makes it easier to sit through meetings. Tonight is AA fun. Last night I accidentally walked into the wrong meeting only to find myself in a large room with lots of hardened, slightly scary looking people. Yessss, it was the drug program. They were nice though and directed me to the other room. heheh.

My alarm clock is officially toast. Yet again I was late to work. wee.

I finally remembered to check my grades for last semester's class. I got an A in my writing workshop. :) Slowly bringing that GPA up. If I bust my ass until September, I MIGHT be able to take one or two classes. *hope hope against hope*

I changed my LJ language preferences to French about 2 weeks ago. The only words that are in French are: "Bonjour blustocking!" and "Calendrier". Nice.

On the serious tip, yo: There are a few (okay, 2) people whom I had expected some words of comfort, an acknowledgment, an email, a call, a smoke signal, just something when I had my court date. Some people followed through as I expected and I appreciate that very, very much. I don't ask for much...just let me know you are there, are thinking of me. Because as much as I don't talk about how I really feel, this is very stressful and I feel like crying about it 3 times a day at least. Just knowing my friends are there is all I need. Thing is, is that too much to expect? Am I the one who shouldn't put these kinds of expectations on people? I don't expect it from everyone I know, or even ALL of my friends, but those close to me...yeah, I do. There are just 2 people who sort of shocked me by not saying anything. One hasn't said anything to me for a long time, so I think I can just write them off. But the other...I don't know. Maybe I'm the one being the jerk. In my heart, I don't feel like it and I only bring it up here because this is my journal and this is how I feel. Right now. This moment. This is what is on my mind. Do I expect too much from people? It's very, very possible. I'm trying to work on the assuming too much thing, but is this something I need to put in check as well.

p.s. Happy, Happy Birthday to the loverly

jinxmalone. :)
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Your serious tip paragraph makes sense to me.

There is a cute boy in GROUP This makes it easier to sit through meetings. Tonight is AA fun. Last night I accidentally walked into the wrong meeting only to find myself in a large room with lots of hardened, slightly scary looking people. Yessss, it was the drug program. They were nice though and directed me to the other room. heheh.

>>Man. Guess I was even luckier than I thought years ago.

I don't think you are over-reacting from expecting some support from a few friends, dear J. I think most people should have some expectations from their friendships, since it is the family that they chose and not the family they were cursed with.

My best friend of over 15 years is completely unreliable. She makes empty promises all the time and never follows through. I have had to cover her in Nutella guilt spread throughout our relationship. After years of verbalizing my disappointment with her, I think she has started to change her wicked little quirk. Hell, she saw me off when I moved and attended my farewell party without me DEMANDING it from her. That, I saw as an amazing improvement. God love a shrew.

Anyway, I think friendship should be just that. You comfort your friends during the hard times and kick them in the ass when the self loathing gets too thick. You let them know you're alive through email, letters and phone calls. There should be some sense of unconditional love and it should just be easy, comfortable and understanding. Friendship should not have to equal ballbusting work. It should just happen naturally.

I love you J.
*smooch*

That was very eloquent. *sniff*

See? You are a good writer. So there!

Bonjour blustocking!

But the other...I don't know.
If there is anything I have learned in the last few weeks, is that you should confront people if something is bothering you. Maybe a letter to this person, or a call yourself. Maybe something to see how they are doing, and what is up, and to settle your mind.

I don't know...just trying to help, I think.

...and even after all that, on some deep level, I totally agree with eVol by saying "Friendship should not have to equal ballbusting work".

Salut.

I changed me LJ language te Gael a long time ago, 'n it's all Gael, all the time.

'N it's so cool that yer goin' te groups. It's Fight Club, baby.

Yeah...it's way cool. Maybe I'll just walk in there tonight, punch the first person I see and hope it's some scrawny chick.

Call 'er Bob 'n ask iffin they need te drain 'er tits again.

hahaha! They probably wouldn't catch the reference and make me join the drug program as well. ;)

Excellent. Strengthen me army 'o the demented, doll.

i've already said my say in regards to friendship.
the subject has been in the back of my mind a lot lately in regards to people i myself know, so ...

cute boy in group? woohoo!
go get him! ;)

Awwww ye-uh!

"Mom, where did you and Dad meet?"
"Awww, me met in our DUI class honey."

Is romantic, no?

(not that I'm thinking along those lines, it's just funny)

hell that's nothing... robert's mommy and daddy met in the loony bin.
NO LIE! :)

haha! Nice! Maybe that's the key, find someone who can obviously understand what you're going through. :)

haha. something like that... their's in a slightly different story, but it's really not my right to talk about it. :\

Not that I have the presumption to include myself in that band of neglectful friends referred to in the serious segment of your post....but know that I'm rooting for ya, regardless. Anonymous and electronic (and even asocial!) online-only presence though I be to you. There's never any harm in good wishes, no matter the source, right?

And now I know that I should probably check your LJ more often, instead of just the message board. That way I would actually know about these things like court dates. Yup.

--rueyeet

noooo, you are not one of those mentioned. I know you care rueyeet. I don't know you well enough to expect such things...that sounds rude, but true. However, it does mean a lot that you do read my journal at all and I do know you care. :)
Hell, maybe I shouldn't hold ANY expectations for ANYONE, then I might be pleasently surprised more often.

I doubt I have to do the 12 step thing. I won't.
I'm there to complete an agreement with the state, no more, no less. :)

I refrained. I think it sounds kinda stupid and lacking in sincerity coming from a new lurker-sprout like me.

I've had times when things are rough, and I get these strangers who, while noble in intent, just don't know how to say the right thing to me. They show up right in the middle of mid crisis and say "Hey! Chin up, bucko!" Well, I'm paraphrasing. Come to think of it, I would prerfer that over some of the ironiacally well-intentioned sacharin I have received in the past.

You are very wise.
Part of my most recent annoyance is at fake displays of love or friendship. Some people think they're being polite by doing this, but it's really just transparent and quite shallow. If you don't know me well enough to mean what you are about to say, shut yer trap. (you, not meaning you) :)

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I wasna talkin' bout choo, schmoopie! :) And both the people I was talking about have been super cool and made amends.

That is one NIFTY site. Wow! Thanks! :)

caffeine makes everything better

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You don't have to do those 12 step things, do you? yikes.

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comfort

:)

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