Apr. 18th, 2002

blustocking: (Default)
All words seem trivial, yet I feel compelled to update.

I'm second-guessing myself. It's hard to write with music on...must give full attention to one...so if this seems disjointed and rambling, that's why. I feel like I've done something horribly wrong, yet I don't know what it is. I wish someone would tell me. Connection severed...or was that just reality cut loose from it's thread-thin tendrils.
I volunteered to read a short story of mine for critique, but I lied to get it done. I hate lying, even the little "white" lies. I've done it too much to enjoy it anymore. But I had to so that I could get criticism on this piece, written when I was 17. I told the professor I wrote it 2 weeks ago. I could always finish another piece...perhaps I will. Only problem is, both pieces have lyrics inbetween certain paragraphs, meant to be sung in your head as you read the them. I'll have to read it out loud. This will ruin it, I feel, as I'm not singing it. My only other option is to make a tape of the sung pieces and press play accordingly. Perhaps.

Why do I feel the need to write down the materialistic, mundane details of today? I don't know, but here you go: Watched SexyBeast (due back yesterday), bought new pants (a size smaller than last time) at Express, bought lipstick, a candle for Staci (because I never got her an Easter present and she bought me a purple Eeyore), some soap, and a candle of my favorite bathroom scent, "Shore Breeze". I also got new batteries for my little clip on radio (for walking), Boo food, and a smattering of groceries. I was too late to pick up my prescription, so I just bought some concealer, in liquid form, which I hate. Tomorrow, oil change, Friday, cat to vet. Hopefully my Federal refund will come back soon and I can finally get my wisdom teeth out and get the car (bumper) fixed.
Now I am listening my new CD (O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack for $2.77, I love you Columbia House).

I'm fucked.
I realized something so simple yesterday.
I'm such a control freak that I long for people to hurt me so that I have the upper hand. It occurred to me, that all through those bad years, when Ryan incessantly cheated on me, I never retaliated, save once...barely...not really wanting to, but I won't go into that. Thinking of Brian reminded me of this phenomenon. Brian asked me to go out with him twice. I said, "no". Even though I thought he was cute, talented, and intelligent...I did not want to because of Ryan. I didn't want to be the bad guy. Loyal to the point of stupid. This is about the point when Brian started dressing like Ryan. A bit fucked, but in the end, I think he found his stride...I hope. Yeah...I'll never know.

I want to thank each and every one of you who commented on my last entry. I'd post something in return to each of you...but I fear it would just come out sounding trite and stupid. So...thank you. I seriously don't know what I would do without the connection, love, and support you have given me. People can roll their eyes all they want about meeting people over the internet, but I, for one, am so very grateful.

Pay no attention to the subject line. Someone said it in class and it stuck.
blustocking: (Default)
New email: pirateblu@yahoo.com

Fuck PacBell.
And I so wanted a better name...but there you go.

3.5 hours

Apr. 18th, 2002 03:19 pm
blustocking: (nuntastic)
WHY is it that the less sleep I have, the more coherent, quick, and funny I am? Maybe those are just my sleep-deprived delusions...MAYBE NOT! Why is it that I love sleep so damn much and need it to remain happy, non-lazy-eyed, and non-body-hurty? CURSE YE GODS!

New CMJ disc! Happiness!
Oil change this morning! Car needs $400.00 worth of minor fix-ups to run smooooothly! Extra woo on that one!
Car payment paid!
Video dropped off 5 minutes too late! Another late fee!
Cat to vet tomorrow! Wake up early to give tranquilizer!
I love singing along to the "O Brother Where Art Thou" soundtrack!
I now have reservations to see Robyn Hitchcock @ Largo!
It's official, not going to Coachella!
Water blows! Need caffeine! (or more exclamation marks!)
Feel sick! Ulcer being bitch!
Had a Slurpee for lunch!


blustocking: (Mr. Beaver)



don't make the beaver angry.
enjoy my infection. *moo-wah*

Now...enjoy my pink ruffled butt.
blustocking: (Default)
by Dum: "Let's Have Another Beer"

Let's Have Another Beer!
Let's Have Another Beer!
Life sucks so hear our cheer!
Let's Have Another Beer!

I wish I could properly decipher all of the lyrics...

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