blustocking (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blustocking) wrote2001-09-30 05:07 pm
blustocking) wrote2001-09-30 05:07 pm
Mantra
someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everything will be okay. someday, everthing will be okay. someday, everthing will be. someday, everything will. someday, everything. someday.
someday, i'll be where I want to be.
someday, i'll be who I want to be.
I am weak.
someday, i'll be where I want to be.
someday, i'll be who I want to be.
I am weak.
yes.
I do not see you as weak.
I see you as strong and beautiful and powerful
I love you, baby.
Re: yes.
I'm still weak though. I'd rather live miserably than start confrontation with her. Which is odd, because I have no problem fighting with anyone else. Heh. She would either make me feel bad or be unreasonably argumentative. I just wish she'd get pissed off about something, say something to me, and give me an opening. See, I'm weak. She's so wrapped up in herself.
My home is my sanctuary and I feel like someone's just peed all over the walls.
It fluctuates though. I might feel okay about this living situation later, but I will not be truly happy until I live on my own, just me and the Boo.
I hate how I keep everything to myself about this. I just feel so unappreciated and used lately.
I keep buying things for the apartment instead of my room and she does nothing to spruce up our home. She once suggested that we get cinder blocks and boards and make some bookshelves. O_O Pardon me, but I don't live in a dorm room and neither do you anymore. I just want a nice home. She's always trying to one-up me when I say something about the noise in my room, things that are broken or not working in my bathroom, or how small my damn bathroom is. Nevermind the fact that she has a T.V. in her room with digital cable, a freaking HUGE bathroom with a tub, and is ALWAYS home. She seems to have chosen her spot on the couch (MY couch) too, the one closest to the T.V. Little things are getting to me now, like the fact that I buy the stamps and pay the bills. Which I don't mind, but I would like a little acknowledgement. Urgh. I had to put my foot down last night when she wanted to buy this horrid, bright, FUZZY, lime green reading pillow and put it in the living room. It looked like someone killed Oscar the Grouch and made him into a comfy pillow. It was horrid. Ugh....finish school get outta here, finish school, get outta here. That's my new mantra.
Thanks for opening up my rant. ;) I'm so pathetic. I just want a knock-down, drag-out fight with her. Just one. I'm just reluctant to start it. Last time I told her how I felt, she went and called her Mom and told her that I didn't want to live with her because I didn't like the way she ate. Wooo, trivialize it why don't ya? Besides, it's true, I don't want to live with her. I'm doing you a favor bitch. Grrr. I know, I have to do something. I can't keep this in. I know.
Sorry I'm so lame and bitchy at the moment.
You are awesome.
I'm sorry again
I can sympathize, I had to deal with Jane for so long. I finally had to tell her that I just didn't like to be around her, that I couldn't stand to compete with her schedule all the time. She took it well, like a bear whose cub was just punched in the face. But she ultimately accepted that it couldn't work out living in such negativity and awkwardness.
I hope you can live the way you want to live soon, there is no sarcasm in this post. I'm sincere ;)
i am in complete agreement with what they have said.