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blustockingAh, what the hell...I'm feelin' like poo, I'll update.
I just got home maybe 20 minutes ago. Grand, I tell ya.
If I miss the 11:04pm bus, then by taking the next bus, I miss my second bus. Ya dig? I got off said first bus only to look across the street at my 2nd bus pulling away. By now, the buses only run an hour apart. I had the strong urge to just bust out in tears, that sense of defeat. But no, I shake my fist at this city and crossed the street. A short girl with a stupid heavy bag marching, looking very pissed off. I decided to hoof it up to Hollywood and Highland from Santa Monica and Highland. What the hell, eh? I hate waiting when I'm pissed off or when my brain is in overdrive, so I walk. Get some exercise to boot. Problem is, I haven't really eaten a whole lot in the past few days. Don't know why. I've been trying, but I don't feel like it(don't get your hopes up, this isn't really heading for any kind of dramatic climax. I just need to type). Anyway, so I start walking and some fucking doof is walking about five feet ahead of me. "Great." I mutter. Just what I need, some asshole walking the same direction I am, late at night, and he's moving at a slightly slower pace than I am, so we're nearly walking next to each other. He asks me when the next bus we just missed is coming and says he's just going to go up to Hollywood and Highland and wait. I'm polite, he's polite. But walking next to a stranger that late at night, just awkward and it pisses me off. I try and slow down and stay a little behind him, but the FUCKER IS DOING THE MAN-SWAGGER. I hate that. Why do guys DO THAT? Do you think it's attractive? Is it some kind of retarded mating ritual? What chick goes, "OMIGOD, CINDY...Look at the way his pelvis seems to be disjointed from the rest of his body. I bet he has a giant cock, works with homeless children, and has lots of money." Nope. Doesn't happen. You just look stupid. So fucking quit it. No one is impressed.
Anyway, I can't stand walking that slow, so I sped up and passed him. Christ, by the time I got to my destination, I felt sick. No food, lots of caffeine, two heavy fucking bags, and I push it. I don't know why I pushed it, tried to get there so fast. Damn bus wasn't coming for another 45 minutes. I do that all the time, little shit to punish myself. For what, I don't know...various reasons. That, and I can't stand to stand still sometimes. Too much on my mind. Sometimes, when I'm angry and I'm walking, I chant. Most often, it's "Shit. Bitch. Fuck. Whore."...or is it "Shit. Bitch. Cunt. Whore."? Whatever, it's the rhythm that's important. Ask Mr. Stupid Swagger-Walk over there. *rolls eyes* I don't know exactly what that meant, but it sounded good. No, it's definitely "Shit. Bitch. Fuck. Whore."
Analyze that.
As I was walking, about 3 VERY LOUD fire trucks roared past headed in the direction I was heading. With sick pleasure, I was hoping the bus I just missed blew up. Then I felt bad, because all those people would have been blown up too. So I amended my wish to include the people escaping just in time. Still, that bus should have been a firey inferno when I got there. Alas, it was not.
I wish I could get more fucking pop-up ads. That would be sweet. Thank you baby Jesus. What do you want for your birthday?
Can I kick one of you? Please? I can kick pretty fucking high you know. I just wanna kick someone, something. C'mon...someday, you'll pay for this shit and here I am offering it to you for free. Ingrates. Jesus would let me kick him, I'm sure of it. Then I'd put him in a head lock and give him a big noogie. The big galoot. Wacky savior.
I have no fucking clue.
So I was thinking...about the entry just before last where a bunch of us were talking about disorders and such. See, that's dangerous. I'm serious. It's like astrology. It can actually be helpful and very interesting if you use it right, but too many people start to treat people differently because of it. I'm not accusing anyone of doing that. I'm just saying. I don't do that and be careful. Self-diagnosis is one thing, but to diagnose someone else with your armchair psychology means you'll start treating them as if they do have what you think they have, just because you read it in some book. I really try not to pre-judge. Heh, most of the time, I have to be be slapped in the face, repeatedly, with it for me to accept something. Again, I'm not saying anyone is doing this, I'm just talking. I don't know. People just don't have any common sense anymore. Lost the ability to make their own decisions. I'm sure I've been guilty of it. But hey, at least I try. Most of you cats are cool, intelligent people though. I'm talking about Joe Average. This nailpolish is awesome. It STILL hasn't really chipped. Anyway...what was I talking about? Eh...fuck it. I'm just lonely.
A sad, lonely little reject.
Don't cry for me, Argentina.
Belize, you better be fucking sobbing your little heart out though.
And Papua New Guinea, where's my fuckin' money?
This is the part where I should probably sleep.
I just got home maybe 20 minutes ago. Grand, I tell ya.
If I miss the 11:04pm bus, then by taking the next bus, I miss my second bus. Ya dig? I got off said first bus only to look across the street at my 2nd bus pulling away. By now, the buses only run an hour apart. I had the strong urge to just bust out in tears, that sense of defeat. But no, I shake my fist at this city and crossed the street. A short girl with a stupid heavy bag marching, looking very pissed off. I decided to hoof it up to Hollywood and Highland from Santa Monica and Highland. What the hell, eh? I hate waiting when I'm pissed off or when my brain is in overdrive, so I walk. Get some exercise to boot. Problem is, I haven't really eaten a whole lot in the past few days. Don't know why. I've been trying, but I don't feel like it(don't get your hopes up, this isn't really heading for any kind of dramatic climax. I just need to type). Anyway, so I start walking and some fucking doof is walking about five feet ahead of me. "Great." I mutter. Just what I need, some asshole walking the same direction I am, late at night, and he's moving at a slightly slower pace than I am, so we're nearly walking next to each other. He asks me when the next bus we just missed is coming and says he's just going to go up to Hollywood and Highland and wait. I'm polite, he's polite. But walking next to a stranger that late at night, just awkward and it pisses me off. I try and slow down and stay a little behind him, but the FUCKER IS DOING THE MAN-SWAGGER. I hate that. Why do guys DO THAT? Do you think it's attractive? Is it some kind of retarded mating ritual? What chick goes, "OMIGOD, CINDY...Look at the way his pelvis seems to be disjointed from the rest of his body. I bet he has a giant cock, works with homeless children, and has lots of money." Nope. Doesn't happen. You just look stupid. So fucking quit it. No one is impressed.
Anyway, I can't stand walking that slow, so I sped up and passed him. Christ, by the time I got to my destination, I felt sick. No food, lots of caffeine, two heavy fucking bags, and I push it. I don't know why I pushed it, tried to get there so fast. Damn bus wasn't coming for another 45 minutes. I do that all the time, little shit to punish myself. For what, I don't know...various reasons. That, and I can't stand to stand still sometimes. Too much on my mind. Sometimes, when I'm angry and I'm walking, I chant. Most often, it's "Shit. Bitch. Fuck. Whore."...or is it "Shit. Bitch. Cunt. Whore."? Whatever, it's the rhythm that's important. Ask Mr. Stupid Swagger-Walk over there. *rolls eyes* I don't know exactly what that meant, but it sounded good. No, it's definitely "Shit. Bitch. Fuck. Whore."
Analyze that.
As I was walking, about 3 VERY LOUD fire trucks roared past headed in the direction I was heading. With sick pleasure, I was hoping the bus I just missed blew up. Then I felt bad, because all those people would have been blown up too. So I amended my wish to include the people escaping just in time. Still, that bus should have been a firey inferno when I got there. Alas, it was not.
I wish I could get more fucking pop-up ads. That would be sweet. Thank you baby Jesus. What do you want for your birthday?
Can I kick one of you? Please? I can kick pretty fucking high you know. I just wanna kick someone, something. C'mon...someday, you'll pay for this shit and here I am offering it to you for free. Ingrates. Jesus would let me kick him, I'm sure of it. Then I'd put him in a head lock and give him a big noogie. The big galoot. Wacky savior.
I have no fucking clue.
So I was thinking...about the entry just before last where a bunch of us were talking about disorders and such. See, that's dangerous. I'm serious. It's like astrology. It can actually be helpful and very interesting if you use it right, but too many people start to treat people differently because of it. I'm not accusing anyone of doing that. I'm just saying. I don't do that and be careful. Self-diagnosis is one thing, but to diagnose someone else with your armchair psychology means you'll start treating them as if they do have what you think they have, just because you read it in some book. I really try not to pre-judge. Heh, most of the time, I have to be be slapped in the face, repeatedly, with it for me to accept something. Again, I'm not saying anyone is doing this, I'm just talking. I don't know. People just don't have any common sense anymore. Lost the ability to make their own decisions. I'm sure I've been guilty of it. But hey, at least I try. Most of you cats are cool, intelligent people though. I'm talking about Joe Average. This nailpolish is awesome. It STILL hasn't really chipped. Anyway...what was I talking about? Eh...fuck it. I'm just lonely.
A sad, lonely little reject.
Don't cry for me, Argentina.
Belize, you better be fucking sobbing your little heart out though.
And Papua New Guinea, where's my fuckin' money?
This is the part where I should probably sleep.
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no subject
Also, you live uncomfortably close to my ex-fiance in N. Hollywood.
Heh.
*bends over*
It's late, go for it.
are you like a weeble?
I live, uncomfortably, near North Hollywood, period.
:}
I live, uncomfortably, near North Hollywood, period.
I hate Universal City.
And I really hate Hollywood altogether.
We could always go on a rampage and take out Hollywood some quiet night.
no subject
I say we go where the money is. Take out Bev Hills or Century City or all of those bastards that can afford to live on the Westside. Maybe we can just hit every Starbucks...but that could take years. You probably live over there and I just stepped in it, didn't I? ;)
A rampage down Sunset on a Friday or Saturday night when all the retards are cruising down the strip would be niiiiice. What the fuck? It's like they never left their small-town mentality. "Hey, I know what we can do...let's go cruise down Main Street and yell and be stupid at the cars parked around us. ACE!"
HEH!
Date: 2002-11-21 02:49 am (UTC)San Berdo to be exact.
I live half in and half out of Rosemead and Hacienda Heights.
(It's a Buddhism thing, ugh.)
But I am down with the Westside. Except the gay parades.
I grew up on the parades.
They were the only part of Hollywood I actually lived for.
Go Inland Empire!
Re: Go Inland Empire!
You could have grew up in Fontucky, er ... Fontana.
*sighs*
Oh how I miss the random gunshots that emanate from Colton and beyond.
Re: HEH!
Date: 2002-11-21 12:21 pm (UTC)Man, I have some kickass photos from the last Gay Pride Parade in WeHo. I just haven't done anything with them yet. I was going to try and sell them to one of those fag mags, like Frontiers or some shiz. I have a nice photo of the lumpy Miss Anna Nicole Smith. Awww yeah, it's pretty bad. :D
Yup, San Bernardino.
We have many gay family members and friends who used to do marches with their parents in support parade portions. And when you try to explain the whole "spirit" of the WeHo Gay Parade, it gets lost on anyone outside of the L.A. Universe (Tried to explain it once when I lived in North Carolina, ... didn't go over very well. "They do WHAT with whips? Hyuh!")
Anyway, you have to admit even with our suck-ass winter heat recently, when you move you will never be able to hit those huge Gay Parade parties and snap shots of a fairly grotesque Anna Nicole Smith.
Now that's just magical, damn it.
YOU'RE ALL GONNA FALL IN THE OCEAN ANYWAY!
Date: 2002-11-22 12:55 pm (UTC)Re: *GASP*
In a way, it will almost be merciful to let the rest of us die.
no subject
O_o
Date: 2002-11-22 01:15 pm (UTC)Or was that "FUCK NO." for another reason?
no subject
Date: 2002-11-21 07:32 am (UTC)damn skippy.
i may form opinions based on what i learned from my schooling, but when it boils down to it, i am not licensed. i have no right throwing out something so irresponsible as "you HAVE" this or that. i may just urge someone to seek an opinion of a professional. someone i was supposed to be. *beats head*
that aside, the DSM is pretty groovy. and even with that, diagnosing someone still relies heavily on experience.
the only person i will EVER diagnose is myself.
Re:
Date: 2002-11-21 12:18 pm (UTC)I don't really believe in being 100% conclusive when it comes to the human brain.
no subject
Date: 2002-11-23 11:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-21 08:01 am (UTC)As soon as someone is diagnosed, they seem to define themselves much more by whatever the title of their sickness is. People are hopefully constantly evolving, a label is pretty much just going to keep them stuck.
Re:
Date: 2002-11-21 12:13 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-11-21 01:02 pm (UTC)I agree
Date: 2002-11-21 08:19 am (UTC)I found the DSM while looking up something someone else had said about someone else. Cuz I didn't know, and I wanted to know.
I had been having "issues" with someone, and the DSM on NPD made sense to me.
That said, I keep my opinions to myself and don't go about talking about people behing their backs. (well not to people that know them anyways. ;p)
But just knowing that this disorder exists has helped me, helped me see how my actions (my very co-dep actions) in relationships may feed N-traits in others.
I don't know if she has it for sure, but she has traits, strong ones. And I react to them. And she reacts to me. We would get locked into a vicious little cycle that was extremely painful for me. Our friendship was not a healthy one, and was very draining for me. So I ended it.
Note: I ended it *BEFORE* I knew about NPD.
I'm not saying she's like this with everyone, or even all the time. But she was like this with me, and for my own sake I had to get away from her.
I don't like pigeon holes.
I don't think blanket diagnosis of any disorder can apply to anyone.
I think we all react to each person differently.
How I am friends with our mutual friends is wholly different with how you are.
So me saying that my friend was/is NPD is actually only in reference to how she was/is with me.
I don't know if I'm making myself clear...
*Shrug*
I think you know what I mean.
I don't judge people by what other people say of them, I need to learn for myself. And just the same, I try not to say things that may affect the way others see people.
I'm fully capable of being friends with people that hate each other, and I expect that most people are.
I'm rambling now...
:)
But, yes, I agree with you.
(and I was slapped in the face repeatedly before I made any move at all)
Re: I agree
Date: 2002-11-22 01:02 pm (UTC)And you seem to have good judgement. Can't say that for most people.
Re: I agree
Date: 2002-11-22 01:22 pm (UTC)I have good judgement?
I brought Dana to LA, I got married!
I have horrible judgement!
:)
It's something I'm working on!!
I'm infinatly biased to see the good in people, it takes a loooooong time and lots of punishment before I'm willing to see the "bad". And even then, I had to quote "bad" because I don't believe in it!
:)
heee... fatal optimist, thats me!