"...Of course I'll be alright. I just had a bad night"

[blustocking]

I'm unsettled...and really fucking horny.
I've taken to writing smut at work. I've completed two "stories" so far. It helps me cope with the lack of cock in my life. Is that crass? I don't care. Not that I don't enjoy the ladies, mind you, but I miss the penis. I plan on publishing these "stories", somewhere, on my own if I have to.

Tonight is the Red Balloon To-Do. I have a piece of photography on display. The owner of the studio actually wanted me to bring all four that I submitted, as he liked them all, but it wasn't his decision and it might be a little underhanded. A very nice compliment though. I've made business cards, and they are effing cool.

Last night was bad.
Mini-breakdown. Was supposed to go out, but then felt so needy/lonely that it would have been a bad idea.
Called Ian in a botched attempt at "booty". Couldn't ask for it. Cried for awhile on the couch, then had some wine and watched Rocky Horror, fell asleep watching Eddie Izzard.

He needs to be completely out of my life at this point. I don't want this undefined bullshit. I don't want to care what he's doing or who he's doing it with, not that he is...but I don't want to want to know. I did the breaking up. I'm the one who doesn't want to get back together. It should be easier.

I am one swirling mass of estrogen and testosterone and the balance changes daily.

I miss my friends in far away places.

Comments

[abstrudere.livejournal.com]

i miss you.

i'll give you a call sometime this weekend.

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Lady, I miss you.
I really wish you were still here. I should be calling you though...when is the best time?

[abstrudere.livejournal.com]

i will come visit within the next year. hopefully in march, if i can and if not, the summer.

at night, any time after 8:30 my time (7:30 yours). That's usually the best time. I work/go to school during the day...

[twinbee.livejournal.com]

i like your style.

send your stories!

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

I'm going to post them somewhere when I get them typed up. ;)

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, cock...

You can hang off mine for awhile, Babe. I lubs joo. :)

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

I enjoy an afternoon of swinging from your dingly-danglies.

[kitryne.livejournal.com]

move to phoenix. i've found us a place.

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

WOMAN! I'll not moveth to your devil-land of heat and traffic! Even if there's two swank ladies living there (you and Ms. Evol).

You move here. IT'S PURDY, I swear. Lawrence is the Midwest Oasis.

[bloodsuckergirl.livejournal.com]

I don't want this undefined bullshit. I don't want to care what he's doing or who he's doing it with, not that he is...but I don't want to want to know. I did the breaking up. I'm the one who doesn't want to get back together. It should be easier.

Why am i always a page or two away from the women i most connect with?
i hear you :)

I miss my friends in far away places.

Ditto.

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

If I were more intelligent, I'd do the right thing and cut him out of my life altogether. It's hard, trying to think about what's best for you AND someone else. This is why I don't (yet) have children.

And hey, if Bush wins...you may have a new American import on your hands. ;)

[bloodsuckergirl.livejournal.com]

If he wins you're more than welcome to occupy my couch!

:)

Cutting people out of your life is impossible, all I've ever been able to do is make the time between contact longer.