Blasted lying fortune cookie.
Nov. 5th, 2001 04:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blustockingSo, I'm a negative person. That's pretty obvious.
But to have a good life, to have good things come INTO my life, do I have to be a completely positive person?
I keep getting stuck on this image of some bubbly, twitchy housewife with a permanent smile plastered across her face. Someone who only shows the surface happiness while inside she's rocking back and forth in a dark corner.
I go to extremes, I know. But I'm beginning to see just how negative I am and I'm wondering if that isn't the problem. I know I don't have to do a complete 180 and hide how I feel, but instead of thinking all true emotions are good, I should start pointing the finger back at myself. I really do have no one to blame but myself.
My mother is pretty negative sometimes and it's draining on those around her. I bet I do that to other people, as well as myself.
I'm not ambitious. I need to be what with all the ideas in my head, but I'm not. Can you change that? Can you change how you've been your whole life? Or have I been like this my whole life. I seem to remember taking much more initiative in high school, even my Freshman year of college. What was the difference? I now have a much better job, bills, a car payment. I live in a city of thousands, if not millions. Is this the difference, or did I just grow lazy, bitter, and apathetic in my "old age"? With time, I've started to care more about what people think as well. That, I believe, is the unfortunate side effect of becoming an "adult".
Do I really need to be with someone to be happy? Is that so wrong?
This brought to you by sitting outside while it grows dark at 3:30pm, drinking Jasmine Green Tea and honey.
I have a headache now.
I need to not curse so much.
But to have a good life, to have good things come INTO my life, do I have to be a completely positive person?
I keep getting stuck on this image of some bubbly, twitchy housewife with a permanent smile plastered across her face. Someone who only shows the surface happiness while inside she's rocking back and forth in a dark corner.
I go to extremes, I know. But I'm beginning to see just how negative I am and I'm wondering if that isn't the problem. I know I don't have to do a complete 180 and hide how I feel, but instead of thinking all true emotions are good, I should start pointing the finger back at myself. I really do have no one to blame but myself.
My mother is pretty negative sometimes and it's draining on those around her. I bet I do that to other people, as well as myself.
I'm not ambitious. I need to be what with all the ideas in my head, but I'm not. Can you change that? Can you change how you've been your whole life? Or have I been like this my whole life. I seem to remember taking much more initiative in high school, even my Freshman year of college. What was the difference? I now have a much better job, bills, a car payment. I live in a city of thousands, if not millions. Is this the difference, or did I just grow lazy, bitter, and apathetic in my "old age"? With time, I've started to care more about what people think as well. That, I believe, is the unfortunate side effect of becoming an "adult".
Do I really need to be with someone to be happy? Is that so wrong?
This brought to you by sitting outside while it grows dark at 3:30pm, drinking Jasmine Green Tea and honey.
I have a headache now.
I need to not curse so much.
