le produit de l'arbre de érable
Aug. 27th, 2002 01:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blustockingI often sleep in this position.
Only with one hand above my head.
I must be horizontally dancing.
Meaning.
I recently found out that in Celtic astrology I am Ivy(some books say Maple tree as well). I find this amusing as Ivy is where I slept June 9th, 2002. I wonder what I looked like, pale and dead-limbed, passed out, swallowed by a bed of hungry leaves?
My head is in a thousand different places, different spaces.
I'm second-guessing everything.
When I was young, I would have long, deep discussions with my Father, sometimes my Sister and Mother too, but mostly my Father. Many times, the discussions would end with me crying over how fucked the world was...deep, heaving sobs. I remember feeling such hopelessness, such anger, such responsibility. I felt like a ten year old Atlas.
I've decided that I'm doing the world no good. I try, I do more than most, but it's not enough.
If I DO move home next year, I am thinking of spending the year that I need to get residency in Kansas, working for Greenpeace. There is a 4-day activist workshop in August I believe (because I was asked to go this year) but then you do a year travelling around the country, with very little possessions and they pay you to work the campaigns, recruit, get people involved. I don't know. Perhaps I will pick a different charity. But I've worked with Greenpeace and I like them. I also like Sierra Club quite a bit, so I don't know. This is all me thinking, but seriously thinking. I feel useless, helpless, out of
focus.
Ah....*looks over at the sleeping black heap on her bed*...but what about him. I don't know if I could leave him that long. Yes, he is a cat, he could stay with my parents. But I lost many cats that way (hit by cars). We'll see. We'll see. We shall see.
Fuck me, I can't even write anymore. Someone stole my poetry long ago.
It's a good thing too...or I'd probably be smacking myself around right now.
GO TO BED, JILL...you dumbass.
p.s. Mmmm, j'adore.
dotdotdot.
Only with one hand above my head.
I must be horizontally dancing.
Meaning.
I recently found out that in Celtic astrology I am Ivy(some books say Maple tree as well). I find this amusing as Ivy is where I slept June 9th, 2002. I wonder what I looked like, pale and dead-limbed, passed out, swallowed by a bed of hungry leaves?
My head is in a thousand different places, different spaces.
I'm second-guessing everything.
When I was young, I would have long, deep discussions with my Father, sometimes my Sister and Mother too, but mostly my Father. Many times, the discussions would end with me crying over how fucked the world was...deep, heaving sobs. I remember feeling such hopelessness, such anger, such responsibility. I felt like a ten year old Atlas.
I've decided that I'm doing the world no good. I try, I do more than most, but it's not enough.
If I DO move home next year, I am thinking of spending the year that I need to get residency in Kansas, working for Greenpeace. There is a 4-day activist workshop in August I believe (because I was asked to go this year) but then you do a year travelling around the country, with very little possessions and they pay you to work the campaigns, recruit, get people involved. I don't know. Perhaps I will pick a different charity. But I've worked with Greenpeace and I like them. I also like Sierra Club quite a bit, so I don't know. This is all me thinking, but seriously thinking. I feel useless, helpless, out of
focus.
Ah....*looks over at the sleeping black heap on her bed*...but what about him. I don't know if I could leave him that long. Yes, he is a cat, he could stay with my parents. But I lost many cats that way (hit by cars). We'll see. We'll see. We shall see.
Fuck me, I can't even write anymore. Someone stole my poetry long ago.
It's a good thing too...or I'd probably be smacking myself around right now.
GO TO BED, JILL...you dumbass.
p.s. Mmmm, j'adore.
dotdotdot.
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no subject
Re:
Date: 2002-08-28 12:38 pm (UTC)no subject
ok, so the screenname, the icons, the photos, your writing...can we hang out some time?? I'd really like that. You seem cool as all fuck.
Re:
Date: 2002-08-28 12:37 pm (UTC)Yes, I'd like that verra much. Just know that I'm super fucking crazy-ass busy at the moment, so if I can't arrange something most of the time, it's nothing personal. I barely see any of my friends right now. :(
Re:
Date: 2002-08-28 12:51 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-09-01 03:03 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-09-01 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-08-27 09:32 am (UTC)I slept on a couch, i need the royal stretcher?
Re:
Date: 2002-08-27 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-08-27 12:54 pm (UTC)I think you're on the right track with Greenpeace and such. Sure beats waiting around for a year, going loopy in the process.
It's too early for a mid-life crisis!
Date: 2002-08-27 02:45 pm (UTC)So very wrong you are on that one, Blu m'dear....I was thinking how very poetic rather than prosaic this post was, until I got to that line.
I've also seen the Hanged Man associated with Odin as he hung on the Tree to acquire the wisdom of the Runes....apparently learning can be painful, a thing you are wise enough to have already learned.
I also think your world would feel more in focus were you not so stressed, or perhaps if you were able to get more/better sleep. But it won't last, you'll finish giving Caesar in the person of the State of California his due, and you have until that happens to figure out what you want to do next. You could even view the time thus lost as a reprieve, extreme and silly as that may sound.
Damn. missed the last express again....better catch the ten-of. WHY do I spout off best when I have somewhere else to be? moog.
I forgot myself again.
Date: 2002-08-27 02:46 pm (UTC)--rueyeet
Re: I forgot myself again.
Date: 2002-09-11 11:32 am (UTC)Re: It's too early for a mid-life crisis!
Date: 2002-09-11 11:30 am (UTC)Perhaps if I pierce my side as I'm sleeping I can gain even more knowledge. ;) That's true though, I'd forgotten about good ol' Odin. I'm reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman right now, so that is very fitting. (If you haven't read it, go buy it NOW!)