Nov. 5th, 2001

blustocking: (apple)
Stolen from a lot of people...take the Colorgenics quiz

My sad, but mostly true, results. )
blustocking: (simpson)
It's true, but it's bullshit. That is what has always bothered me about the world. It's inability to handle strong emotion, especially negative. "Suck it up, smile, be happy, even if you're dying inside." There's something to be said for honest, true emotion rather than packaged happiness. Alas, no one seems to be able to handle their own negativity, let alone anyone elses. That, and the world is selfish and conceited.

I love broad generalizations...so here's some more:

People who drive white cars are dumb. People who drive white SUV's are worse.
Everyone on the 405, or any California freeway, have no concept of "slower traffic keep right". None.

Some of that Colorgenics stuff was accurate, but if felt like self-help bullshit for the most part. Then again, maybe that's me just being negative and unwilling to help myself. Pff.
blustocking: (apple)
So, I'm a negative person. That's pretty obvious.
But to have a good life, to have good things come INTO my life, do I have to be a completely positive person?

I keep getting stuck on this image of some bubbly, twitchy housewife with a permanent smile plastered across her face. Someone who only shows the surface happiness while inside she's rocking back and forth in a dark corner.

I go to extremes, I know. But I'm beginning to see just how negative I am and I'm wondering if that isn't the problem. I know I don't have to do a complete 180 and hide how I feel, but instead of thinking all true emotions are good, I should start pointing the finger back at myself. I really do have no one to blame but myself.

My mother is pretty negative sometimes and it's draining on those around her. I bet I do that to other people, as well as myself.

I'm not ambitious. I need to be what with all the ideas in my head, but I'm not. Can you change that? Can you change how you've been your whole life? Or have I been like this my whole life. I seem to remember taking much more initiative in high school, even my Freshman year of college. What was the difference? I now have a much better job, bills, a car payment. I live in a city of thousands, if not millions. Is this the difference, or did I just grow lazy, bitter, and apathetic in my "old age"? With time, I've started to care more about what people think as well. That, I believe, is the unfortunate side effect of becoming an "adult".

Do I really need to be with someone to be happy? Is that so wrong?

This brought to you by sitting outside while it grows dark at 3:30pm, drinking Jasmine Green Tea and honey.

I have a headache now.
I need to not curse so much.

May 2010

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