blustocking | shallow waters

Quite scattered. Up one minute, down the next, forced to cultivate rows of corn-colored confidence during a harvest season. I wish I had your cocaine confidence, bleeding arrogance. I do. I really do. I'm just shaken too easily.

I crave cheap offerings laid at my feet, empty calories. Like a drug I said, like a drug. It's never enough, never enough. Looking for a permanent reminder, I'll spend my whole life searching for the heaviest feather.
I don't understand how one can be so conflicted, so contradictory.

Looking for a cheap thrill, a quick fix, the junkie turns to a shadowed remembrance, a quiet corner to stick the needle in. No one must knoooooooow.

I do this to myself.
But at least I'm in control.
Don't let me fool you.