well, hello there

[blustocking]

The theory, as it's held true in the past, is that however long the relationship was, that's how long it takes to truly get over it. So I figure...I've got another nine months maybe, give or take. Some of you are confused, some of you might be amused. Either way, fuck off...I know how I feel. At 25, you seem to fumble and flail, stumble and either fall repeatedly or attempt foolishly to maintain balance. At 25, 22 (generally) annoys me. At the quarter of a fucking century, I've learned so much, yet I don't have a clue. At 25, I'm fucking lonely, but I know better now. Need breeds mistakes made.

I shouldn't be going to California. I don't have the cash, and it weighs heavily. I hate money, or lack therof. But I have a plane ticket, and places to stay, and I said I would, so I will, and I'll make the best. I just hate starting out stressed out. My jaw hurts from grinding, not blowjobs...if that's what you're thinking. And why not, it's what I was thinking.

There's something wrong with my camera. This makes me...how do you say, not pleased.

Bullshit aside, I read an interesting article in National Geographic tonight. The online piece is here. However, it's not as good and the pictures aren't as breathtaking. So really, you should just go buy it. There's one shot of a lion chomping into another lion's head that is simply amazing. He's looking straight at the camera as he's biting down and the look in his eyes...just incredible, pure, and raw.

"The male house spider stimulates and inseminates with pedipalps (claw-like frontal appendages). A bean weevil's penis abrades: Spikes hold it inside the female and also tear tissue, perhaps discouraging future matings. A bedbug's penile "hook" is a sperm-filled syringe, while a flea's exuberant organ is rigged with a gentle stimulator."

Oh...and I like the new Eve 6 song. Go to hell.
kitryne has me hooked on this.

Comments

[catnamedcosette.livejournal.com]

I always thought it was half the length of the relationship, i.e. you're together one year and it takes 6 months to get over it. Regardless of some stupid theory though, I think however long it takes is how long it's supposed to take.

And, this, "Need breeds mistakes made", is so true.

Re:

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess I should be more clear. I tend to move ahead in my thought patterns and forget to inform people of the process.

I guess what I mean is that "getting over it" and having it not affect your life, post-relationship are two different things. I could have sworn I was over Ryan long ago, but the 2 relathionships after him, told me differently. I suppose it also has to do with level of intensity as well. As those shorter, "less-intense" relationships don't seem to have any residual effect on me today. There are so many factors at work here. James, the asshole after Ryan, did I pick him because he was an unvailable prick, or did I concoct that because I wasn't over what happened between Ryan and I? Given, it was a fairly unhealthy situation all around, I'm wondering if that's what's in store for me now. I like to think I'm older and wiser, but am I really? Because it doesn't seem to matter who did what, who ended it. Something ended when I didn't really want it to, before I wanted it to, and with much confusion. There is/was no closure, and perhaps that's what bothers me the most. That, and honestly, there's still much love there and it does hurt.

Part of me thinks I can't be happy with someone normal and stable. The truly nice guys I've been with, turned me off and I left. Is a happy medium too much to ask? ;)

Holy fuck...what's up with the outpouring.
I'm not expecting answers. Just thank you for virtually listening to me and sparking a little release.

Re:

[catnamedcosette.livejournal.com]

Ah, well, then I'm not sure you ever "get over it" - or get to the point where it's no longer affecting you. I think most, if not all, relationships (whether it's a boyfriend/girlfriend or just a friend) continue to affect you throughout your life. For example, my paranoia, "fear of abandonment", thoughts that people are talking about me, etc. don't come from no where. They came from past relationships that continue to affect me in present and future relationships. Think about it, even those short-lived relationships, with "nice guys", are affecting you in that you feel you can't be happy with them. Maybe it was just THOSE guys that you weren't happy with, not because they were "nice guys" but because of some other reason. It doesn't matter though, because whatever happened or happens in relationships will continue to affect you somehow. It sucks, sure, but it can also be good - if you learn from it or take the positive things (hopefully there are some) from the relationship. It's a matter of recognizing when you are allowing the negative aspects of past relationships affect the current ones - then, although they affect us, we don't allow them to AFFECT us.

That made no sense. I'm stopping now. You didn't need answers and yet I ramble on. I'm glad you could get a release - those are so needed sometimes!