well, hello there

[blustocking]

The theory, as it's held true in the past, is that however long the relationship was, that's how long it takes to truly get over it. So I figure...I've got another nine months maybe, give or take. Some of you are confused, some of you might be amused. Either way, fuck off...I know how I feel. At 25, you seem to fumble and flail, stumble and either fall repeatedly or attempt foolishly to maintain balance. At 25, 22 (generally) annoys me. At the quarter of a fucking century, I've learned so much, yet I don't have a clue. At 25, I'm fucking lonely, but I know better now. Need breeds mistakes made.

I shouldn't be going to California. I don't have the cash, and it weighs heavily. I hate money, or lack therof. But I have a plane ticket, and places to stay, and I said I would, so I will, and I'll make the best. I just hate starting out stressed out. My jaw hurts from grinding, not blowjobs...if that's what you're thinking. And why not, it's what I was thinking.

There's something wrong with my camera. This makes me...how do you say, not pleased.

Bullshit aside, I read an interesting article in National Geographic tonight. The online piece is here. However, it's not as good and the pictures aren't as breathtaking. So really, you should just go buy it. There's one shot of a lion chomping into another lion's head that is simply amazing. He's looking straight at the camera as he's biting down and the look in his eyes...just incredible, pure, and raw.

"The male house spider stimulates and inseminates with pedipalps (claw-like frontal appendages). A bean weevil's penis abrades: Spikes hold it inside the female and also tear tissue, perhaps discouraging future matings. A bedbug's penile "hook" is a sperm-filled syringe, while a flea's exuberant organ is rigged with a gentle stimulator."

Oh...and I like the new Eve 6 song. Go to hell.
kitryne has me hooked on this.

Comments

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

...however long the relationship was, that's how long it takes to truly get over it.

I dunno about that. Sometimes it has taken me a lot longer to get over somebody, roll onto someone new, and displace all my feelings for the asshole that broke my heart onto the new guy. It's one hell of a vicious circle, that dating bullshit, eh?

Also, I have my ticket to go back to Chicago in August for my friends wedding. I also have no money, but will attend nonetheless. Maybe I can live off of cheese for four days? Hmm, cheeeEEEEse...

And, wtf, something is up with my digital camera too. It won't hold a charge longer than 5 to 10 seconds. It goes completely dead on me, and I don't know if I should get a new battery pack and see if that fixes it, or unplug it/reinstall the software/reboot and all that nerdy stuff. Oy. It's making me feel the same way too. Not pleased.

Did you know a field mouse can mate up to 8 to 12 hours, but soon afterward goes into a testosterone shock? His body doesn't stop producing the hormone and eventually he ends up black widowing himself. What a way to go. Hump, drop and roll over and kiss the sky. I wanna be a field mouse when I grow up, George! ;)

Re:

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

I guess all you can do is wait and see, and try not to be such a cunt to the next one, eh? ;)

Something isn't up with my camera! YAAAY! I'm just stupid! YAAAY! I hope yours is easily fixed. :/

Anacondas like orgies. Snails like threesomes.

[catnamedcosette.livejournal.com]

I always thought it was half the length of the relationship, i.e. you're together one year and it takes 6 months to get over it. Regardless of some stupid theory though, I think however long it takes is how long it's supposed to take.

And, this, "Need breeds mistakes made", is so true.

Re:

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess I should be more clear. I tend to move ahead in my thought patterns and forget to inform people of the process.

I guess what I mean is that "getting over it" and having it not affect your life, post-relationship are two different things. I could have sworn I was over Ryan long ago, but the 2 relathionships after him, told me differently. I suppose it also has to do with level of intensity as well. As those shorter, "less-intense" relationships don't seem to have any residual effect on me today. There are so many factors at work here. James, the asshole after Ryan, did I pick him because he was an unvailable prick, or did I concoct that because I wasn't over what happened between Ryan and I? Given, it was a fairly unhealthy situation all around, I'm wondering if that's what's in store for me now. I like to think I'm older and wiser, but am I really? Because it doesn't seem to matter who did what, who ended it. Something ended when I didn't really want it to, before I wanted it to, and with much confusion. There is/was no closure, and perhaps that's what bothers me the most. That, and honestly, there's still much love there and it does hurt.

Part of me thinks I can't be happy with someone normal and stable. The truly nice guys I've been with, turned me off and I left. Is a happy medium too much to ask? ;)

Holy fuck...what's up with the outpouring.
I'm not expecting answers. Just thank you for virtually listening to me and sparking a little release.

Re:

[catnamedcosette.livejournal.com]

Ah, well, then I'm not sure you ever "get over it" - or get to the point where it's no longer affecting you. I think most, if not all, relationships (whether it's a boyfriend/girlfriend or just a friend) continue to affect you throughout your life. For example, my paranoia, "fear of abandonment", thoughts that people are talking about me, etc. don't come from no where. They came from past relationships that continue to affect me in present and future relationships. Think about it, even those short-lived relationships, with "nice guys", are affecting you in that you feel you can't be happy with them. Maybe it was just THOSE guys that you weren't happy with, not because they were "nice guys" but because of some other reason. It doesn't matter though, because whatever happened or happens in relationships will continue to affect you somehow. It sucks, sure, but it can also be good - if you learn from it or take the positive things (hopefully there are some) from the relationship. It's a matter of recognizing when you are allowing the negative aspects of past relationships affect the current ones - then, although they affect us, we don't allow them to AFFECT us.

That made no sense. I'm stopping now. You didn't need answers and yet I ramble on. I'm glad you could get a release - those are so needed sometimes!

fuhgeddaboutit.

[secondderogate.livejournal.com]

took me about five minutes to get over a three-year relationship, but well.. i am the one who destroyed it, so i suppose it doesn't count.

the times my heart has been broken, hmm.. no, didn't take quite that long, either. perhaps i'm just naturally detached. that, or highly adaptable.

i'll vouch for the latter. go me.

also, if i was a flea, i'd want to be the female one. that, or a gay, butt-loving flea.

now it's my turn : CHEER UP, EMO KID.

seriously, who doesn't want to be a female flea

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

It hasn't affected the relationships that followed? Maybe I'm just an obsessive over-analyzer. Maybe I'm just a damn chick.

Yessss, adaptable. That's it. ;)

OHYOU, WHY I OUTGHTA....

as far as the eye can see...

[secondderogate.livejournal.com]

as far as i know, my last relationship, and getting over it quickly has had no bearing on the state of my current relationship.. like white and black, apples and oranges, blow jobs and spider monkeys.

you get the idea.

blow jobs and spider monkeys

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Do not speak to me of your past indiscretions.

are you threatening me?

[secondderogate.livejournal.com]

hey, a man's business is just that.

all night long

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

"EEK EEK" means NO, okay. NO.

Sorry to say...

[corporatebitch.livejournal.com]

but, there is no "magic" formula. It really depends on the relationship and how much it meant to you.

Sometimes...it takes the right person to get your heart mended.

Re: Sorry to say...

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

The equation seems to work for me. I don't mean all out pining or weeping and wailing(only the occasional fit of such ;) but getting to a place where it doesn't infect my daily thoughts, or other relationships. True, we all take a little of the past with us no matter what, but only now, five years after the five year relationship, have I truly let go of that anger and hurt, at least enough to not let it get in the way, but just enough to learn. Is that sad? That it infected me that much for so long? Ugh, probably. But when I do connect, I really fucking connect. I hold and I beat myself up with it. Learning not to do that is also a part of those five years.

But yeah, I don't think anyone should have to deal with my past. So I'd rather get over this one before moving on. Otherwise, I'd have to find someone so completely confident and stable that it'd probably bore me to tears anyway. It's all very ridiculous. I wonder if rebounds ever wear off. As in, is the next one, no matter how long I wait, will it be a rebound? Or is it possible to bypass that?

Don't mind me, I'm rather wordy and contemplative at the moment. ;)

Re: Sorry to say...

[corporatebitch.livejournal.com]

I love listening, or rather reading, to peoples thoughts...don't worry about me on that.

I really don't believe in rebounds, by the way. I feel that people look for what they need at the time. The term "rebound" is so negative. When coming out of a two year relationship, so people need to have a little fun, others need another companion. It really depends on the individual.

Does this make any sense...I'm still sleeping here at my desk today.

Re: Sorry to say...

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Yes, it makes sense. :) And thanks for "listening". :}

Re: Sorry to say...

[corporatebitch.livejournal.com]

No prob...you're taking care of one of my bestest friends, I owe you one anyway :)

Re: Sorry to say...

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Awwww. :)

[ex-nixe725.livejournal.com]

Yesssss. It was only about two years ago that I got over the schmuck who blatantly cheated on me then had the nerve to blatantly lie about it - when I was 18! :) Seriously. Doode, even cheating on him and lying to him about it (then dumping him) didn't help! (yes I was dumb... but the lesson learned there was: Revenge is stupid and doesn't make me feel better, so it had its value.) :) I kept bringing a tiny bit of that hurt into every single one of my relationships, no matter how insignificant, until my little relationship hurt timer finally ran out. Then I was fine. It's weird, it's like no matter hat way I tried to rationalize it to myself a little speck of it remained with me.... you have to let these things run their natural course sometimes, and it stinks!

I feel ya dawg, I guess is what I am saying. Not your particular situation, but the gist.

I fucking love National Geographic, I want a subscription.

Money is evil, period.

And,
*HUGS*

Re:

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

until my little relationship hurt timer finally ran out

Yessss, that is what I'm talking about. I'm sure it still affects me, but no longer on a conscious level. Maybe sub-sub-conscious. ;)

Mucho huggos!