well, hello there

[blustocking]

The theory, as it's held true in the past, is that however long the relationship was, that's how long it takes to truly get over it. So I figure...I've got another nine months maybe, give or take. Some of you are confused, some of you might be amused. Either way, fuck off...I know how I feel. At 25, you seem to fumble and flail, stumble and either fall repeatedly or attempt foolishly to maintain balance. At 25, 22 (generally) annoys me. At the quarter of a fucking century, I've learned so much, yet I don't have a clue. At 25, I'm fucking lonely, but I know better now. Need breeds mistakes made.

I shouldn't be going to California. I don't have the cash, and it weighs heavily. I hate money, or lack therof. But I have a plane ticket, and places to stay, and I said I would, so I will, and I'll make the best. I just hate starting out stressed out. My jaw hurts from grinding, not blowjobs...if that's what you're thinking. And why not, it's what I was thinking.

There's something wrong with my camera. This makes me...how do you say, not pleased.

Bullshit aside, I read an interesting article in National Geographic tonight. The online piece is here. However, it's not as good and the pictures aren't as breathtaking. So really, you should just go buy it. There's one shot of a lion chomping into another lion's head that is simply amazing. He's looking straight at the camera as he's biting down and the look in his eyes...just incredible, pure, and raw.

"The male house spider stimulates and inseminates with pedipalps (claw-like frontal appendages). A bean weevil's penis abrades: Spikes hold it inside the female and also tear tissue, perhaps discouraging future matings. A bedbug's penile "hook" is a sperm-filled syringe, while a flea's exuberant organ is rigged with a gentle stimulator."

Oh...and I like the new Eve 6 song. Go to hell.
kitryne has me hooked on this.

Comments

Sorry to say...

[corporatebitch.livejournal.com]

but, there is no "magic" formula. It really depends on the relationship and how much it meant to you.

Sometimes...it takes the right person to get your heart mended.

Re: Sorry to say...

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

The equation seems to work for me. I don't mean all out pining or weeping and wailing(only the occasional fit of such ;) but getting to a place where it doesn't infect my daily thoughts, or other relationships. True, we all take a little of the past with us no matter what, but only now, five years after the five year relationship, have I truly let go of that anger and hurt, at least enough to not let it get in the way, but just enough to learn. Is that sad? That it infected me that much for so long? Ugh, probably. But when I do connect, I really fucking connect. I hold and I beat myself up with it. Learning not to do that is also a part of those five years.

But yeah, I don't think anyone should have to deal with my past. So I'd rather get over this one before moving on. Otherwise, I'd have to find someone so completely confident and stable that it'd probably bore me to tears anyway. It's all very ridiculous. I wonder if rebounds ever wear off. As in, is the next one, no matter how long I wait, will it be a rebound? Or is it possible to bypass that?

Don't mind me, I'm rather wordy and contemplative at the moment. ;)

Re: Sorry to say...

[corporatebitch.livejournal.com]

I love listening, or rather reading, to peoples thoughts...don't worry about me on that.

I really don't believe in rebounds, by the way. I feel that people look for what they need at the time. The term "rebound" is so negative. When coming out of a two year relationship, so people need to have a little fun, others need another companion. It really depends on the individual.

Does this make any sense...I'm still sleeping here at my desk today.

Re: Sorry to say...

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Yes, it makes sense. :) And thanks for "listening". :}

Re: Sorry to say...

[corporatebitch.livejournal.com]

No prob...you're taking care of one of my bestest friends, I owe you one anyway :)

Re: Sorry to say...

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Awwww. :)