Stating the obvious
Mar. 15th, 2002 04:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blustockingIt just struck me how horrifying it must be to be a parent, so easy to fuck up, SO many factors involved.
I realized this when I asked the simple question "Were you spanked as a child?" and saw that some of us were not only spanked, but...worse.
If I didn't want to have kids before, now I'm super-scared. I don't want to fuck anyone else up. Though I know that I would NEVER beat my children, it's just amazing the amount of tolerance, fairness, foresight, and just plain common sense it takes to raise a child right. And it's even more amazing how many people do it without thinking about any of this.
My sister gets down on herself because she doesn't have a job. She's spent the last 16 years raising my wonderful niece and nephew. But I keep telling her, Kim, look at what a great job you've done. You've added two wonderful human beings to the world, and we need 'em. She's involved in their lives and knows how to discipline without being overly harsh. I only hope that if, for some ungodly reason, it happens that I do end up with children, I can do as well as my parents and my sister have done.
But right now, I think I'm way too selfish.
I realized this when I asked the simple question "Were you spanked as a child?" and saw that some of us were not only spanked, but...worse.
If I didn't want to have kids before, now I'm super-scared. I don't want to fuck anyone else up. Though I know that I would NEVER beat my children, it's just amazing the amount of tolerance, fairness, foresight, and just plain common sense it takes to raise a child right. And it's even more amazing how many people do it without thinking about any of this.
My sister gets down on herself because she doesn't have a job. She's spent the last 16 years raising my wonderful niece and nephew. But I keep telling her, Kim, look at what a great job you've done. You've added two wonderful human beings to the world, and we need 'em. She's involved in their lives and knows how to discipline without being overly harsh. I only hope that if, for some ungodly reason, it happens that I do end up with children, I can do as well as my parents and my sister have done.
But right now, I think I'm way too selfish.
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no subject
Date: 2002-03-15 07:48 pm (UTC)My parents were EXTREMELY strict. As a result, I was perhaps the most stressed out scared little kid on the face of the earth. I was not only spanked by my step-father, but beaten as well, with fists. He was right clever about it, as I never had visible bruises. It wasn't that my parents were mean, ignorant, or violent, just far too passionate about teaching me a lesson. Wacked out, as a matter of fact. My response to your previous post was a bit tongue in cheek. When I think about my childhood, I realize that my parents had to make their minds up as they went along. This in no way justifies how I was "disciplined", because it's fucked up and doesn't work to beat a child. I've told my parents this. I've been able to make them hear my perspective, but not util I was much older, and my fear had dissipated. If I ever have children (and that is a really big IF), I know that I could not beat them, except maybe spank, in the most extreme circumstances, like if my child ran out into the road or tried to touch a hot burner. I could never in a million years do to another person what my step-father did to me. I've turned out to be a very non-violent person. I think people who are beaten either come out the way I did, or pretty violent, with a very small range in between.
No, parenting is a job that is not for me.