Stating the obvious

[blustocking]

It just struck me how horrifying it must be to be a parent, so easy to fuck up, SO many factors involved.

I realized this when I asked the simple question "Were you spanked as a child?" and saw that some of us were not only spanked, but...worse.

If I didn't want to have kids before, now I'm super-scared. I don't want to fuck anyone else up. Though I know that I would NEVER beat my children, it's just amazing the amount of tolerance, fairness, foresight, and just plain common sense it takes to raise a child right. And it's even more amazing how many people do it without thinking about any of this.

My sister gets down on herself because she doesn't have a job. She's spent the last 16 years raising my wonderful niece and nephew. But I keep telling her, Kim, look at what a great job you've done. You've added two wonderful human beings to the world, and we need 'em. She's involved in their lives and knows how to discipline without being overly harsh. I only hope that if, for some ungodly reason, it happens that I do end up with children, I can do as well as my parents and my sister have done.

But right now, I think I'm way too selfish.

Comments

[aubreycolors.livejournal.com]

There is only one time in particular that I really remember being spanked. But, my parents had other forms of punishment that I still do not understand.

From the earliest age of being punished I was told to stand in the corner. No big deal there, that's like "time out" except that you are facing the wall. But, when I got to be too big for that like around 7 or 8...my parents used to make me kneel on the kitchen linoleum floor for whatever time they deemed necessary. Whether that be 30 minutes or and hour and a half. Go ahead...try it for two minutes....it fucking HURTS. There was no padding, just the floor and then my knees.....and I also had to do this facing a wall. No talking. It's completely fucked up. I don't really have any bad feelings for my parents for doing this since they were both raised up in very old-school disciplined surroundings or whatnot. But I will NEVER make my child ever do ANYTHING like this ever. Whether that has influenced the way I think today in anysort of fetish form or fashion, I have no idea.

As an adult, I have never been spanked. Never had the opportunity.

We should put a sterilizing agent in the world's water supply

[locopuff.livejournal.com]

Nobody should have any damned kids.

[filleinvisible.livejournal.com]

You're damn right it's scary! We're not given books or instructions - I don't care how many self-help child rearing books exist. What happens on paper doesn't happen in real life. It's a job I could not take on.

My parents were EXTREMELY strict. As a result, I was perhaps the most stressed out scared little kid on the face of the earth. I was not only spanked by my step-father, but beaten as well, with fists. He was right clever about it, as I never had visible bruises. It wasn't that my parents were mean, ignorant, or violent, just far too passionate about teaching me a lesson. Wacked out, as a matter of fact. My response to your previous post was a bit tongue in cheek. When I think about my childhood, I realize that my parents had to make their minds up as they went along. This in no way justifies how I was "disciplined", because it's fucked up and doesn't work to beat a child. I've told my parents this. I've been able to make them hear my perspective, but not util I was much older, and my fear had dissipated. If I ever have children (and that is a really big IF), I know that I could not beat them, except maybe spank, in the most extreme circumstances, like if my child ran out into the road or tried to touch a hot burner. I could never in a million years do to another person what my step-father did to me. I've turned out to be a very non-violent person. I think people who are beaten either come out the way I did, or pretty violent, with a very small range in between.

No, parenting is a job that is not for me.

horrifying indeed!

[spritek.livejournal.com]

i'm ::sooooo:: afraid of fucking up with my little creature. i feel confident sometimes, but humans have a way of hurting and destroying when they think they're doing well...i don't worry about physical abuse; i would never hit my child. i'm against spanking, even. and my husband knows that if he hits her, i will KILL. i also know quite a bit about childhood development, which definitely helps calm my nerves...more worried just because i am human, and even though i have this idealized picture of being a fabulous parent, i know i am just as much at risk of fucking up as everyone else. must.be.careful!
i had to endure very controlling, manipulative parents-actually, a controlling, manipulative mom. my dad would tend to sit back and let her do everything. as a teenager, she would come in my room, screaming about how awful and fucked i was, and would proceed to trash everything-from artwork to books to records-even clothes, except for the god awful shit she bought me. all the while, she would scream that i was nasty and horrible and depressed, and by god she wasn't going to let that happen! there was no talking her out of it, either-if i tried to convey the importance of something i wished to keep, she would tell me "that wasn't what i wanted, i didn't know what i liked or wanted, she would show me". fuck, it angers me to just think about it! she wanted to control so badly that even the normal steps kids take to acquire and learn independence-car, job, college-were manipulated away from my reach. the only helping hand i received was a hand that trapped me from success and life. it was easier to lay down pitiful excuses and not do a thing than to help me acquire the tools i needed to survive. now, at 23, i am certainly paying the price. i thank bob that i can, at least, see what happened. most ppl aren't that lucky, and the mistakes of their parents spill over to affect their kids...
if your mum is a shrink, you have my deepest condolences

I'm the same way....

[squeakyrix.livejournal.com]

I think I'd be a horrible parent...

[deadcoldinside.livejournal.com]

Yes!!!
Every time I think about possibly having a kid someday, I think of yet another reason why it would be so damn life-altering. There is the health risks it poses to my wife, the money it costs, all the responsibility, etc...

It blows my mind that some people have 3 or more kids at my age (27) already. I just feel too immature still to care for a child. Plus, we like the option of going anywhere we want, anytime we want. I am shocked at how lightly people take this decision sometimes. It is unfathomable.