Stating the obvious
Mar. 15th, 2002 04:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blustockingIt just struck me how horrifying it must be to be a parent, so easy to fuck up, SO many factors involved.
I realized this when I asked the simple question "Were you spanked as a child?" and saw that some of us were not only spanked, but...worse.
If I didn't want to have kids before, now I'm super-scared. I don't want to fuck anyone else up. Though I know that I would NEVER beat my children, it's just amazing the amount of tolerance, fairness, foresight, and just plain common sense it takes to raise a child right. And it's even more amazing how many people do it without thinking about any of this.
My sister gets down on herself because she doesn't have a job. She's spent the last 16 years raising my wonderful niece and nephew. But I keep telling her, Kim, look at what a great job you've done. You've added two wonderful human beings to the world, and we need 'em. She's involved in their lives and knows how to discipline without being overly harsh. I only hope that if, for some ungodly reason, it happens that I do end up with children, I can do as well as my parents and my sister have done.
But right now, I think I'm way too selfish.
I realized this when I asked the simple question "Were you spanked as a child?" and saw that some of us were not only spanked, but...worse.
If I didn't want to have kids before, now I'm super-scared. I don't want to fuck anyone else up. Though I know that I would NEVER beat my children, it's just amazing the amount of tolerance, fairness, foresight, and just plain common sense it takes to raise a child right. And it's even more amazing how many people do it without thinking about any of this.
My sister gets down on herself because she doesn't have a job. She's spent the last 16 years raising my wonderful niece and nephew. But I keep telling her, Kim, look at what a great job you've done. You've added two wonderful human beings to the world, and we need 'em. She's involved in their lives and knows how to discipline without being overly harsh. I only hope that if, for some ungodly reason, it happens that I do end up with children, I can do as well as my parents and my sister have done.
But right now, I think I'm way too selfish.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
horrifying indeed!
Date: 2002-03-16 01:05 pm (UTC)i had to endure very controlling, manipulative parents-actually, a controlling, manipulative mom. my dad would tend to sit back and let her do everything. as a teenager, she would come in my room, screaming about how awful and fucked i was, and would proceed to trash everything-from artwork to books to records-even clothes, except for the god awful shit she bought me. all the while, she would scream that i was nasty and horrible and depressed, and by god she wasn't going to let that happen! there was no talking her out of it, either-if i tried to convey the importance of something i wished to keep, she would tell me "that wasn't what i wanted, i didn't know what i liked or wanted, she would show me". fuck, it angers me to just think about it! she wanted to control so badly that even the normal steps kids take to acquire and learn independence-car, job, college-were manipulated away from my reach. the only helping hand i received was a hand that trapped me from success and life. it was easier to lay down pitiful excuses and not do a thing than to help me acquire the tools i needed to survive. now, at 23, i am certainly paying the price. i thank bob that i can, at least, see what happened. most ppl aren't that lucky, and the mistakes of their parents spill over to affect their kids...
if your mum is a shrink, you have my deepest condolences