Look ma! I'm published!

[blustocking]

I miss my journal. This isn't honesty. This isn't purging. If I stay true to my nature and post what I feel by being vague, then people will read into it. Perhaps I should preface every entry with "If you think this is about you, it isn't."...even if it is.
This place is just a giant orgy of ego-stroking and reassurance, and I am no exception.
We are messy little creatures.

I should post really hateful, true to the bone things and see who drops me.

I just had a 5 minute conversation with someone who was worried about being dropped from our Danni mailing list when he switches ISP's. Shoot me now.

Comments

Funny you should mention that.

[qat.livejournal.com]

How true that is, at least from my perspective right about now. LiveJournal may be useful and fun for some still, as it was once for me, but I find it is not so much for me anymore. Beyond being something often personified by weird ego-stroking and reassurance, as you said, I think it's a spy community, voyeurism of the worst kind. I don't know why it didn't strike me before - willed ignorance, wishful thinking, I guess - but I never felt the need to make my entries private in the past. Then I found out that because of the fully 100% ignorant and pathetic delusions, sneakiness, and general idiocy of some, I kinda had to. I wish people I don't give a crap about would just leave me alone as I leave them alone. My life is none of their business just as theirs is none of mine, but then again - if you make a journal public and online, what do you expect? People are stupid and can't help themselves, and if they can find grist for their sorry little mill of delusions - even if it means reading into something when they have NO FUCKING CLUE about who or what is being talked about, or the situation at all - they will. I find that the whole LJ thing just sort of bugs me now. It's like some weird, twisted popularity contest, or play being put on for viewers, with ego-stroking "look at my life on display, I'm going to talk about people I'm pissed at or still in love with or whatever blah-blah, without actually mentioning specific names or places, because then people might not like me, and then people might actually know how I really feel" stuff that I can't even explain. It bugs me. Lately, at least. Anyhow, I just wanted to say that I agree with you, and also that if you are pissed at me and want to let loose and say "Kat, you know what, you really suck" you can feel free :) I prefer to know about such things firsthand, it's just a lot simpler that way. Drop me an email or post it loud and clear :)

I heart you.

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

I heart you!

Kat, I can't think of something you could do that would cause me to want you out of my life. Well, if you did something like kill my cat, then yeah...but you wouldn't even think of it...cause you're cool n' shee-it. Besides, my cat eats from a bowl you bought him!
How cool are YOU?! ;)

I know, I'd feel like a schmuck if I started writing real entries but being vague. I think that's why I don't do it. I still feel like a schmuck for the shite I post, but at least it's better than half-ass honesty. Perhaps I will use that private button a bit more, so I can at least get some things out. I can type faster than I can write with a pen or pencil, and I need that speed to get it out of my head before I lose it.

[qat.livejournal.com]

I find I'm just not interested in writing in my LJ anymore. I've gone back to my hardcopy, it's more satisfying and effective. I guess, though, I still do like LJ for the same reason I started keeping one - it's one way I have to actually stay in touch with my friends who are far away. And I've even met some neat people via LJ whom I've added to my friends list, pretty cool. I just wish that some of the bad stuff associated with LJ did not exist. But like anything online or in real life for that matter, there's the bad and the good and it's a matter of sorting them out and dealing with it.

BOOOOOO! Kittyyyy. He still eats out of that bowl? HEE! That makes me happy :) Booboobelly.....

I miss ye!