oooo, rebel

[blustocking]

I broke up with Ian in the early morning of Sunday past.
My grandmother is in hospice.

I'm amazingly okay with both of these things. It has to do with my "healthy" attitude towards death. My old age has lowered my tolerance for bullshit and people who don't want to deal with their problems. There were a million reasons to leave, and only one to stay. Love generally is the only reason I need, but it became "not enough". I became sick of not being able to talk to him for fear of a blowup. A comment he didn't like, would resort in escalated anger and "shut the hell up". It happened one too many times. The stupid straw that broke the Jill's back was trivial and may have been overreacting on my part. His response was so out there it was planetary. This is better. Yet I miss him, terribly.
I would only go back if he agreed to therapy. He won't. And there you have it.
I'm a firm believer in working through your past if you've been abused. If you don't, you're hurting yourself and those you love. You'll never get right, you'll never find lasting happiness. And p.s. he should spend some fucking time alone. He never has and I'm a firm believer that that isn't a good sign either.

My supervisor is talking to me, so I should go.

Comments

[catnamedcosette.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear this, but I'm of the belief that if you have to come up with reasons to stay or you constantly think about the reasons you should go, then maybe it's time to just...move on. No matter how hard it is. But, that doesn't mean that I will judge you if you fall back in line with him. You just do what's best for you and what makes you happy. We'll all be here to support you.

Also, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope her time left is peaceful and filled with happiness.

I have no plans to come to K.C. anytime soon, but I think you should take that trip out here. We'll have fun and take your mind off unpleasant boy-things. :D

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

It's been coming for awhile now. I was hoping to be able to stay with him until he grew up a little. It proved more difficult than I think another person should have to deal with. Right now, I don't know what's going on. I don't want him out of my life. We probably should have just been friends from the beginning...but, well, hormones and such. Time will tell. But I won't be getting into a relationship with him for some time.

I have school starting soon, but maybe I can come out for a break. That would be cool. :)

Thank you Sara.

[catnamedcosette.livejournal.com]

It was nice talking with you yesterday. Sorry I couldn't talk more. I was one of the few people at work yesterday so I was swamped, plus I got the lucky job of answering phones. Yuck!

Know that I'm thinking of you always. *hugs*