oooo, rebel

[blustocking]

I broke up with Ian in the early morning of Sunday past.
My grandmother is in hospice.

I'm amazingly okay with both of these things. It has to do with my "healthy" attitude towards death. My old age has lowered my tolerance for bullshit and people who don't want to deal with their problems. There were a million reasons to leave, and only one to stay. Love generally is the only reason I need, but it became "not enough". I became sick of not being able to talk to him for fear of a blowup. A comment he didn't like, would resort in escalated anger and "shut the hell up". It happened one too many times. The stupid straw that broke the Jill's back was trivial and may have been overreacting on my part. His response was so out there it was planetary. This is better. Yet I miss him, terribly.
I would only go back if he agreed to therapy. He won't. And there you have it.
I'm a firm believer in working through your past if you've been abused. If you don't, you're hurting yourself and those you love. You'll never get right, you'll never find lasting happiness. And p.s. he should spend some fucking time alone. He never has and I'm a firm believer that that isn't a good sign either.

My supervisor is talking to me, so I should go.

Comments

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

We really need to chat on Yahoo IM someday really soon. We have a lot to catch up on.

I love you, though.

[catnamedcosette.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear this, but I'm of the belief that if you have to come up with reasons to stay or you constantly think about the reasons you should go, then maybe it's time to just...move on. No matter how hard it is. But, that doesn't mean that I will judge you if you fall back in line with him. You just do what's best for you and what makes you happy. We'll all be here to support you.

Also, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope her time left is peaceful and filled with happiness.

I have no plans to come to K.C. anytime soon, but I think you should take that trip out here. We'll have fun and take your mind off unpleasant boy-things. :D

[bloodsuckergirl.livejournal.com]

Life is fun.

I know we don't talk much anymore, but seems we're on the same page right now; how long can you walk on eggshells for the sake of someone else's ego? And dammint when do they ever tiptoe around us? Never! So crush those eggs dammit! Get yolk everywhere! You're far too fabulous to be living life in silence! STOMP!

[abstrudere.livejournal.com]

i miss you, dood.

and if you ever want to chat, about anything, you can always call me. i gots a new phone number, since i'm not coming back to kan-sass. (904.233.3387) Or just drop me an e-mail.

i hope everything (and your grandma) gets better. but in the end, you can't keep walking on egg shells.

-lucy

[lolahead.livejournal.com]

You are a strong woman!

I was reminded of how long I stayed in a "not so good" relationship when I happened upon my ex and his shiny new girlfriend at a very uncomfortable get-together last night. I was asking myself why the hell I even thought I loved this guy....EVER. In my case, he's a bad person, period...so it's easy to want him out of my life permanently (always see bright red flags when his ex girlfriend refuses to speak to him...that usually means he sucks) I think it's part of the long process that is growing up and getting over shit though.

But I also know what it's like to miss someone I was with with. Any time you miss him, just think of the "shut the hell up" side of him. And don't let yourself forget that side of him. I've made that mistake too. It's all candy and flowers until he tells you to shut the hell up.

Good luck.

And I'm sorry about your grandmother. :( I'm glad to hear you're okay with it.

[lagnolalia.livejournal.com]

Was at Farmer's Market last week and thought of you.

Hope you're okay inside and out.
*love you*

♥

[photicdriver.livejournal.com]

oh my j, i miss you. so sorry to hear about both the breakup and grandma, but if you feel ok about those things, that's a very good thing. people always expect you to fall to pieces over stuff like that.

[ex-nixe725.livejournal.com]

Love you lady. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you - bake you cookies, bump someone off.... I'm here :)

[kitryne.livejournal.com]

hugs and kisses on all of your pink bits!
i miss you.