oooo, rebel
Jul. 12th, 2004 01:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blustockingI broke up with Ian in the early morning of Sunday past.
My grandmother is in hospice.
I'm amazingly okay with both of these things. It has to do with my "healthy" attitude towards death. My old age has lowered my tolerance for bullshit and people who don't want to deal with their problems. There were a million reasons to leave, and only one to stay. Love generally is the only reason I need, but it became "not enough". I became sick of not being able to talk to him for fear of a blowup. A comment he didn't like, would resort in escalated anger and "shut the hell up". It happened one too many times. The stupid straw that broke the Jill's back was trivial and may have been overreacting on my part. His response was so out there it was planetary. This is better. Yet I miss him, terribly.
I would only go back if he agreed to therapy. He won't. And there you have it.
I'm a firm believer in working through your past if you've been abused. If you don't, you're hurting yourself and those you love. You'll never get right, you'll never find lasting happiness. And p.s. he should spend some fucking time alone. He never has and I'm a firm believer that that isn't a good sign either.
My supervisor is talking to me, so I should go.
My grandmother is in hospice.
I'm amazingly okay with both of these things. It has to do with my "healthy" attitude towards death. My old age has lowered my tolerance for bullshit and people who don't want to deal with their problems. There were a million reasons to leave, and only one to stay. Love generally is the only reason I need, but it became "not enough". I became sick of not being able to talk to him for fear of a blowup. A comment he didn't like, would resort in escalated anger and "shut the hell up". It happened one too many times. The stupid straw that broke the Jill's back was trivial and may have been overreacting on my part. His response was so out there it was planetary. This is better. Yet I miss him, terribly.
I would only go back if he agreed to therapy. He won't. And there you have it.
I'm a firm believer in working through your past if you've been abused. If you don't, you're hurting yourself and those you love. You'll never get right, you'll never find lasting happiness. And p.s. he should spend some fucking time alone. He never has and I'm a firm believer that that isn't a good sign either.
My supervisor is talking to me, so I should go.
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Re: I miss talking to you too
Date: 2004-08-26 11:37 am (UTC)Amen.
I think everyone should be alone at least once in their life...and for more than a month or two.
Honestly, he does work. He slacks sometimes, but I let him know. And he's probably the first to actually try and change his own bad habits. With Ian, only time will tell. He has some growing up to do, but right now it's nice to have a friend and a lover.