(no subject)

[blustocking]

"If she could just get down to using only her brain stem, she'd be cured.
This would be somewhere beyond happiness and sadness.
You don't see fish agonized by wild mood swings.
Sponges never have a bad day."

--from Choke by Chuck Palahniuk

Comments

Re: I don't think I know you very well....

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you for the link. It is very much appreciated, emu72.

Yes, and the other person that recognizes the problem is my brother (we're all living in his condo too, btw. Me for college and Mom for retirement). He thinks by "glossing over" the episodes that the problem is just going to magically go away, when we all know it perpetuates the ill behavior to exist and thrive.

Personally, I love the woman, but I don't like her. She thinks everyone around her is to blame and she won't/can't assume any responsibility for her own actions/behavior. It is saddening/frustrating and very overwhelming.

Thank you very much for the shout out. Any help/opinions/advice/experience is deeply welcome on this end.

Re: I don't think I know you very well....

[emu72.livejournal.com]

Hrm...

It does sound like she may have Narse traits...
NPD is part of the "cluster B" of personality disorders, along with Histronic, borderline and Antisocial.
And it's possible to have co-diagnosis, with two or more.

So...

The blaming and the refusing to accept responsibility, sounds VERY narcissistic.

From what I've read, this is almost completely untreatable.
Their defences are such, that they cannot see what they are doing wrong. They only know how to use people, for money, emotion, and stictly speaking any attention at all. They are exceptionally good at manipulation, and turning situations, converstations, everything around to make themselves look good.

This site was really helpful to me (http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html)

"...the key to coping with the narcissist: If he has a rage attack – rage back ... Mirror the narcissist’s actions and repeat his words. If he threatens – threaten back and credibly try to use the same language and content. If he leaves the house – leave it as well, disappear on him. If he is suspicious – act suspicious. Be critical, denigrating, humiliating, go down to his level – because that is where he permanently is. Faced with his mirror image – the narcissist always recoils."

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Wow.
Very, very interesting.

Christ, that must be a horrible way to live with someone though....mimicking them all the time. You might start to wonder what you're OWN feelings really are.

Re:

[emu72.livejournal.com]

Well you can stoop to their level, or do what I do, ignore them.

Indifference is key.
They are looking for a reaction, if you give them none they are faced with what they are doing, but they can rationalize on a dime.

Personally, I think it must be a horrible way to live, being one!
To never have it within yourself to feel good about yourself without having exterior people validate you... sad.
We all have our down days, when we need picking up, reassurance, etc.
Can you imagine what it's like to live in that state perpetually?

Crazy sad!

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, did you hit the nail on the head. No matter what I say, I am to blame or somebody else in her field of vision is.

On top of that though, she suffers from extreme mood swings, ranging between episodes of acute euphoria (mania) and severe depression. Aka: bipolar/maniac disorder. If she isn't verbally attacking somebody in this condo, she's depressed and having random crying jags.

Gah! It is horrible to see somebody's mind give up on them, but its even worse to actually be knee deep in their shit too. If misery loves company then I would prefer to be by myself.

Re:

[emu72.livejournal.com]

to see somebody's mind give up on them

Do you mean she wasn't always like this?

[motherevol.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of her illness was hidden/masked by being married to a verbally abusive alcoholic (my daddy). She would have "episodes", but they were predominately directed toward his irresponsibilities and his own addiction. At the time, it seemed justafiable. I was too young to recognize the difference. She was like this even when he wasn't home/around/after the divorce/yadda yadda.

In retrospect I can see traces of her mental meltdown, but being away from her for over 8 years, it seems like a sudden switch in personality/emotions. It has always been this way, but I didn't know how to read the signs when I was a teenager in the '80s. Thank the gods for getting educated. ;)

Re:

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Very, very true. But if they don't really see what they're doing, or really care how it affects someone else...the whole rationalization thing, then I would imagine it's not as hard. So many people, losing, or never learning, how to empathize.

Re:

[emu72.livejournal.com]

It seems to me a very sad and lonely existance.

I do feel for them, this one girl in particular, but I can't get near, they're toxic to me.

Tho I have a very hard time accepting that they can't be "helped". I have a hard time accepting that sort of hopelessness. I think everyone is capable of growing, some are just slower than others.

;)

I know I am!!

S... L....O....W

Re:

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

I know. I almost refuse to believe that people can't change. Gets me in trouble.