stays up late, does nothing

[blustocking]

And now, for the mundane....
I think I'm getting sick, but I keep drinking the bourbon anyway. I can't pay my rent, at least not until next week. Don't want to go to school, feel surrounded by people who are jazzed about making art and I want a fucking normal life, a normal wife. Just for a little while, to get me back in the Mooooood.

Went to the studio tonight, at around 10pm. Just to get my body used to traveling in that direction, hoping it will stick. I did nothing. I stared. I ran my hand over the scarred skin of My Big Demon and wondered what the hell is wrong with me. I sat. I started thinking too much, realized I'd stopped moving and that was my problem. So I left. Came home. Made something small to eat, since I'd barely eaten today. Made a drink, watched some TV and tried my best not to think.

Comments

[hearteststill.livejournal.com]

I totally feel that creative funk and want of a normal life.
I want to be jazzed about making art.

i heart you, jill. just so you know.

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

It's a whole new year, right? We shouldn't give up hope. :}

Thank you. I hearts you too.

[hearteststill.livejournal.com]

it is a whole new year!

never give up, or something..

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

http://www.jsayers.com/tshirts/stupid%20shirt.gif

[i-muad-dib.livejournal.com]

This happened to me often when in school.
You need freedom to do your thing in your own time.
Dunno about you but my best work was never asked of me. I just did it when I felt like it.

You either need a serious break or to just go through the paces with the least possible effort involved. I did that for a full year and my work sucked but at least I did not feel like I was being sucked to the marrow.

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

It's true.
I'm so burned out. And it sucks, because I see people making Things and I want to make Things. Hopefully it will be better after May.

One more semester...one more semester...

[i-muad-dib.livejournal.com]

Just suck some dick to keep up the GPA.

I fucked it up in my last semester (not that it was wondrous to begin with - I always clashed with teachers) so Graduate school became a far away dream.

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Hey, dick-sucking may have worked for you, but my GPA's fine. :)

Also, just finished watching La Jetée and Sans Soleil. Holy. Crap. Just...blown away...more so by the latter than the former.

[i-muad-dib.livejournal.com]

I mean, do what you're told ;)
I should have sucked more dick but I was busy being an ass.

la Jetee heralds Post Modern cinema and is a masterpiece.
I had some initial difficulty with Sans Soleil. I found it good but pompous. It took me a second viewing to realize that it was actually quite good.

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

I oughta slap you for saying Post Modern on my blog. We don't allow that kinda talk here.

I like Sans Soleil much better. I think my having seen 12 Monkeys ruined La Jetée since all I was trying to do was compare. I want a book of the text to Sans Soleil though...but I only see there's the text online.

[i-muad-dib.livejournal.com]

ha!
I understand. I want to slap most people that even bring it up.

http://www.markertext.com/sans_soleil.htm

print it out in A5 and do some simple Japanese binding. I have been doing that a lot lately.

http://www.sff.net/people/Brook.West/bind/bindit.html

[blustocking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I thought about that....
I've just been making some blank books, only with glue-binding.

That's a handy website.